PTSD Series Discussion #4

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 by Janet J. Seahorn

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How can we talk about PTSD as a family?

Gosh, this is a tricky question with an even trickier answer.  As we have discussed in most of the prior questions, the first step is to acknowledge that upon returning from combat things aren’t quite normal.  Become informed about the signs and symptoms of PTSD.  Be honest as much as you can about what each of you is feeling.  As the service person, you don’t have to go into all of the horrible details of your experiences, but you do and will need to discuss the truth that your military life in a combat zone may have been pretty distressing; that what you saw and did was often unsettling. 

As the significant other or spouse, your role initially is to just listen.  Try not to ask too many questions.  Sometimes it may seem you are prying.  Try and wait a bit before going into the details.  But it is crucial, as a family, to talk.  Silence is simply not an option.  It creates distance by making assumptions about behaviors that may not be accurate.

In our book, we describe an incident where a young man who had been in several roadside bombings returned home from Iraq. On a quiet Saturday afternoon, the family decided to take a trip out of town to a favorite shopping center.  It was to be a fun outing of togetherness.  Things were going well until the young family came to bridge where a man waving for help was standing by the roadside next to a car with a flat tire. The wife suggested they stop and help, however, the young serviceperson immediately turned his vehicle around in the middle of the road, angrily stomped on the gas and headed home. Not knowing what was happening, the wife assumed her husband was acting unreasonably. It was a silent ride back to town. The young vet never told his wife what was going on in his mind. Later, during his scheduled visit to his VA counselor he retold the story. He knew his wife and children were upset with him for ruining their fun afternoon. However, what he saw was not an ordinary man with a flat tire needing help. What his mind and body saw and felt was a possible setup for an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). He had seen this many times during his tour of duty in Iraq. He had two thoughts to keep his family out of harms way:  1) He could shoot the “terrorist” standing on the roadside, or 2) He could, without delay, get his family away from the danger zone. Understanding that shooting the “threat” was probably not the best decision, he chose option two. Makes perfect sense, but without talking he went home angry and upset. And his family had no clue as to what had just occurred.

In our book we advise “If you care, you share”. Sharing creates understanding. Understanding generates compassion. And compassion establishes hope and protects the relationship. 

Another word of advice about discussing a concern:  Never try and sit down to talk over an issue when one or both parties are in a full pitch of rage or anger. You can’t stop a charging bear… it is already on a mission to attack. You must wait until tempers are calmer and conditions settle down enough to have a reasonably calm and “adult” discussion. If a blaming game begins, stop immediately. Blaming never solves the problem; it only throws more fuel on a hot fire. Use “I” statements such as, “I start to feel afraid when I see you getting angry and I don’t understand why?” or “It is hard for me to go to family events without you. I miss doing things together and want to know what I can do to make it OK for you to attend some of our family get-togethers.”  

Most of our family conversations, once we began to understand what we were facing, resulted in a compromise that everyone could agree would make the situation better for all involved. We now try not to live on assumptions by doing a reality check with the person. For family events, every person becomes responsible for him or herself. Sometimes my husband chooses downtime away from a houseful of noisy people. He goes to a quiet room to watch TV or read a book while the rest of us play a rowdy game of Pictionary or Shout It Out. This is a Win/Win for everyone and is absolutely acceptable behavior.

by Janet J. Seahorn

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You hear stories about the patriotism of small town USA. The way the community comes together as a single entity to honor its military – those individuals who have served our country. The events always include a bit of flag waving and back patting, “Thank you for your service”. This Memorial Day we had the honor to experience one such town. This is a town, Evanston, Wyoming, which far exceeded any story or past city we have visited. 

It was early Sunday evening when we arrived in Evanston. Tony was asked to be the guest speaker at their annual Memorial Day event. We had just returned the day before from Europe. Both of us were more than a bit jet lagged, and I was secretly wishing I was sleeping in my comfy bed back home and wondering what the heck we were thinking when we first accepted the speaking engagement.

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As we drove through the streets around town, we noticed flags flying from bridges, street corners, store shops, and of course homes. More flags than we have ever seen. The cemetery was filled with flags and brightly colored flower arrangements. A motorcycle bike rally made the atmosphere even more charged.

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Then we passed a truly humbling sight, the town’s monuments set right in the center of the Court House and Civic Center.  Monuments that went way back to the Civil War. The most interesting two tributes were to the Korean and Vietnam conflicts. These were modeled after the Vietnam Wall in Washington D.C. What made them unique, however, was the black granite slabs held the names of every resident of the county who served in the war zone, not just the names of those who had died. The words carved into one stature said it well, “All gave some; some gave all”. Wow! We have never seen a town where every military person was acknowledged. You could trace the heritage of the community’s military generations from WW I forward. Many families had at least four or more last names engraved on each monument. So much sacrifice for a household to bear.

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As we listened to the Memorial Day speeches, watched the presentation of flags honoring all military branches, including a flag for the POWs and the MIAs,  heard the hallowed sounds of the bagpiper bellowing Amazing Grace, and viewed the solemn and appreciative faces of the people, it was a “lump in the throat” experience. Yes siree, Evanston, Wyoming is truly one of America’s most patriotic towns. It was obvious that such gratitude is a daily way of life, not merely a one day event. They live the words, God Bless America, and God Bless those who serve her mission of freedom and liberty for all.

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Thank you for sharing your patriotic spirit with us and showing the world that honor, integrity, and flag waving are not political statements, but a way to demonstrate respect for the sacrifice given by the few, so that the many can live in a land of abundance and independence.

PTSD Series Discussion #3

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ptsd-2Question 4:  If I, as a serviceperson, have PTSD, how can I help myself?

First, be honest with yourself.  As stated in the last question, do not ignore the signs that you are suffering from serving in combat.  Do not pretend that things are fine; that the problem lies with everyone around you such as your spouse, children, neighbors, family, or co-workers.  Watch for signs such as increased anger, irritability, depression, and/or isolation from normal family events. Resisting the feelings associated with PTSD only exacerbates the problem. The best thing you can do if you think something is not normal is to visit your Veteran’s Center as soon as possible.  These centers have become much more proficient in serving the military population’s needs than they were during past conflicts.  Physicians and therapists now recognize and understand in better detail the effects of PTSD and how to treat it.  Don’t wait.  Help is available.  The sooner you get assistance, the sooner your life will begin to move forward in a manner that allows you to live more fully.  You deserve to be at peace, to be happy and so does your family.  You and your loved ones have given enough in serving your country.  Now it is time that your country does something for you.  Help is waiting; don’t wait another minute to get it.  Life is too precious to be wasted fighting demons from the past. Today is the only thing you have that will make a difference for tomorrow.  So use today wisely to gain understanding, healing, and perhaps some peace of mind and spirit.

Other suggestions include spending time outdoors. Nature offers us a tremendous healing environment, especially for emotional wounds. We find hiking, fishing, skiing, and simply just being in the wilderness soothes much of our anxieties and internal tensions. Pets are also a therapeutic comfort. A great deal of research has been conducted that has shown the positive impact animals have on a person’s well being. Because our pets love us unconditionally, are non-judgmental, and provide a sense of safety and security, they are one of the very best options for keeping us sane and healthier both physically and emotionally. A few additional suggestions that we have found quite beneficial are meditation, aroma therapy (no kidding J), body massage, and heavy doses of laughter. Humor is a terrific medication since it is almost impossible to be angry and laughing at the same time. It releases endorphins that alleviate body pain, and provides a huge dose of oxygen to the brain and muscles.

Question 5What can I, as a family member, do to help someone with PTSD or a TBI?

There can be a major difference between a person suffering from PTSD and someone who has incurred a TBI (traumatic brain injury).  A TBI is a physical injury to the brain, where PTSD is more a reordering of the neuro networks in the brain.  Many times a person with a TBI may also have some form of PTSD, mainly because he/she was in a situation that caused physical and emotional damage to the individual and/or others in the company.  As with all illness and trauma, the more informed you become the better you are at making appropriate decisions in handling the circumstances. Illness and problems must first begin with immediate recognition that something is not quite right. The sooner you recognize the signs of PTSD, the sooner you can begin the healing process.  Once again, it is dangerous to ignore the obvious and pretend things will get better with time. Too often, this does not happen by itself.  Time can make behaviors and tensions more precarious, destroying personal relationships and family cohesion. No one benefits by waiting. Spouses get tired of walking through the “mindfields” of the traumatized serviceperson.  Children suffer because they can’t and don’t’ understand why mommy or daddy are not always the same kind; loving parents they were before war. 

When a family member returns from combat with PTSD, everyone close to him must join together to offer support, hope, and comfort.  In doing so, however, you must set suitable boundaries that will keep the family safe and well-balanced.  If children are involved, they must be at the forefront of your concern.  Their physical and emotional well-being is of utmost important.  Living with a parent who has untreated PTSD can have long-term, negative consequences on a developing child.  Getting immediate treatment for your spouse and yourself will be the best line of defense in moving towards the life you want to live and the family unit you want to be.

ptsd-1Question: 2:  Is PTSD different from Combat Stress?

The answer to this question may depend on which study you might read or which doctor is doing the diagnosis.  Combat Stress has often been referred to as PTSD.  “During the Civil War they called it Irritable Heart.  During World War I and II it was referred to as Soldier’s Heart or Shell Shock and other terms described it as Neurosis, Combat Fatigue, or Combat Exhaustion (pp. 66-67, Tears of a Warrior, 2010).  Every war has coined a term that seemed to describe a warrior who returned from combat with behaviors and reactions that were not a part of his/her life before the battles.  Whatever one might prefer to call the behavior is not important.  What is important is if the behavior interferes with the person’s ability to live a normal, happy life or the behavior negatively impacts family, friends, or work, you should get help immediately. Today, PTSD is the accepted medical term for similar symptoms from all wars.

Question 3:  If my serviceperson has PTSD, will it better?

Our belief is that those suffering from PTSD can and will get better.  Some fortunate few whose trauma is not as intense may be able to heal on their own.  Most, however, who have seen too much, done too much, lost too much, may only move towards healing with the outside support of a trained physician or therapist. For many, like my husband, there has been no such thing as a full cure. Nevertheless, appropriate medication, counseling, and self-meditation have been a tremendous help in getting to that “better” place.  With “better” understanding of what the person is facing and how those closest to him/her can offer appropriate support, the family can become a safer, stronger and more caring unit. Pretending that nothing is happening or that in some miraculous way tomorrow you will awake and all the bad stuff will be gone, is simply not realistic. It doesn’t just go away, no matter how hard you try.  In fact, trying harder often makes the situation worse. The best approach to addressing these ongoing painful ghosts is information, productive action, and the courage to admit something is not quite right.  Obtaining the help and treatment needed to move towards better physical and emotional health is the best step to recovery.

PTSD Series Discussion #1

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ptsd-book-soldier-getty-photoSeveral weeks ago we were ask to respond to a set of questions regarding Post-Traumatic Stress and combat vets.  These responses will be used in a short pamphlet/flip book that will be distributed through another organization.  We thought many of our readers might find the questions and our feedback useful.  Today’s blog is the first of our five part series. (Part 1 of 5)

•1.      How do I know if my serviceperson might be suffering from PTSD?  (Symptoms, possibly)

This is a great question with a not so simple answer. Not every person who returns from serving in a war zone ends up with Post-Traumatic Stress. A great deal depends on the amount of time the person spent serving under combat conditions, as well as how many traumatic events occurred during his/her deployment. Most doctors and researchers agree that the more time spent away form home, and the more distressing events experienced during each deployment, the greater the likelihood the person may experience some form of PTSD. If the individual was already predisposed to stressful home or environmental factors before joining the military, PTSD may become even more prevalent. There is no simple formula for why one person develops PTSD while others seem OK.  But one thing is certain; it has nothing to do with a lack of strength, courage, or character.  Sometimes it is simply the hazard of war due to exposure to unspeakable traumatic events, often in life and death situations.

So what signs might you look for when suspecting someone has PTSD? Since the brain is restructured by every act it experiences, it is sensitive to many good and not so good events.  Love, hate, prejudice, kindness, and violence are just a few life experiences. Yet, when the life-threatening events occur over and over again for a long duration of time, or even during one incredibly horrifying event, the mind/brain is seared with the image and emotional feelings become imprinted.

Signs/Characteristics of PTSD:

  • ð Hyperarousal and abnormal startle responses
  • ð Irritability and/or jumpiness; constantly on guard
  • ð Hypervigilance
  • ð Nightmares, insomnia, and night sweats
  • ð Recurrent traumatic memories or flashbacks
  • ð Overwhelming waves of emotions
  • ð Survivor guilt
  • ð Feeling detached and/or emotionally withdrawn from others
  • ð Fragmented sense of self and identity
  • ð Panic attacks
  • ð Shame
  • ð Despair
  • ð Lethargic or lack of motivation/interest in life, work, and family
  • ð Avoidance of common places, activities
  • ð Memory and concentration problems
  • ð Sadness and hopelessness about the future

The key here is that a person generally does not have ALL of these symptoms at once.  Some come more often than others.  One person may have numerous panic attacks, while another may want to isolate himself and not take part in normal daily and family activities.  It is the severity and frequency of the symptoms that would suggest a diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress.

Out of the Darkness

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by Janet J. Seahorn

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“Out of the Darkness, into the Light”. These short seven words explain unmistakably the effects of healing the wounds of PTSD. While reading my daily inspirational “quotes”, I came across this one. We see and hear it often in religious sermons. For the many whose lives have been relentlessly challenged by life’s experiences and survived only by the grace of a higher power or some special intervention, we have an intimate understanding of going from darkness to light. 

Sometimes we may reflect on how exactly we got to a “lighter” place:  lighter by the brilliance of radiance in our days, lighter in our spirits that carry a heavy burden, unseen, unfelt, and often times misunderstood, and lighter in our physical bodies that endured the trauma from our past. 

The answer to how we got to the light may not be as important as the blessing, we are here. In reality, we don’t remain in this space of lightness every moment. Yet, when we experience these twinkles of happiness, we feel a profound sense of peace. A peace that lets us know we are not alone in our battles. A peace that validates we are loved and cared for during our conflicts. A peace that leaves us with the hope that when we are thrown back into the abyss, we CAN and WILL be able to climb back up to the light. Just trusting this inner knowing is what gets us through the dark days and nights. It is what enables us to wake each morning with new expectations for the day.  Without such trust it would be impossible to continue the journey, for the path is too unpredictable.

Healing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is built on the trust that through inner strength and outer resources we can not only survive and mend, we can thrive. Trauma can cause immense changes in our brains and bodies. It is not merely a matter of  ‘sucking it up’  that will move us toward better physical and emotional health; it is taking action to get that help needed for healing. For most physical illnesses this is obvious. If one has a life-threatening disease, he/she would get outside, professional help. She would endure the devastating effects of chemo and radiation to survive. He would go through open heart surgery to repair the damaged organ expecting months of rehabilitation and physical therapy. However, with emotional trauma, some in society still seem to attach a stigma.  The only weapon for dissolving the stigma is knowledge. And the only way knowledge blossoms is through openness, education, and courage. 

You see it will take each of us to continue to share our insights with others. Truthfully, it is far easier to remain silent, hiding our wounds from the eyes of world. Yet, knowledge does not grow in such darkness. It requires light, nourishment, and valor. So it is up to each of us to contribute to the understanding of PTSD and how one can move “out of the darkness, into the light.”

Blessings and continue mending.

Dog—–God

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by Janet J. Seahorn

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Look into the face of your loving four-legged pet, and I would bet you would see the eyes of GOD.  A being so unconditionally loving and faithful, that nothing or no one could keep it from being near our sides.  We have written several times about the value of pets.  For someone living with Posttraumatic Stress or a serious Traumatic Brain Injury, pets can offer a sense of comfort and well-being that are beyond modern medications; and the side effects are far more positive.

 We get many comments and videos from our readers testifying to the upbeat effects their pets have had on them.  This week a friend sent us a one we had not seen before.  We thought many of you would enjoy viewing this short and touching piece.  We also included another written story that has appeared over the internet on many occasions.  More than likely, most of you have read it, but every time I see it, and am tempted to delete without reading… something pulls me to the picture and I begin viewing it once more, ending always with tear filled Kleenexes. 

You see, this last piece is a true chronicle of what many of our service people and their loving pets sacrifice for our country.  Not everyone understands that pets pay a high price for their masters’ deployment.  Yet, they do, silently, patiently waiting for that one special person to return.  There is no greater joy than the homecoming of a beloved member of a family. 

So here is to DOG and to GOD:  D = Devotion;   O = Omnipresent;   G = Goodness/Gift; in any order it means the same thing.

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PTSD continues to be everywhere in the news, on TV, and in the movies.  The question I have is “Who is listening to all of these stories?  Who is concerned about the growing number of new cases resulting from multiple tours of duty in our current wars? Are those in Washington who must attend to severe budget concerns able to do what is necessary?  What is right?  Is the average American informed enough to care?”  Following is information from just one of many data sources on PTSD.  It comes from Noel Brinkerhoff (Monday, April 12, 2010), and the information is disturbing.

Nearly 300,000 American troops have served three, four or more times in Iraq and/or Afghanistan, while cases of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have risen dramatically since the wars began. The possible correlation between these two facts has led to the question of whether it’s fair to send young men and women back into combat again and again, and risk causing long-term mental and emotional problems, not to mention the physical toll.

One U.S. Army study from 2009 found troops in Afghanistan were more vulnerable to developing psychological problems as the number of tours went up (31% for three tours, more than double the rate of those with just one). Another study focused on Iraq showed nearly 15% of Army troops who served two tours suffered from depression, anxiety or traumatic stress; more than double that of a single tour. The PTSD rate was almost 2.5 times higher for two deployments compared with one. 

“We just don’t know whether it’s combat exposure, repeated separation from the family or (not enough) time off,” Lieutenant Colonel Paul Bliese, director of the division of psychiatry and neuroscience at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, told the Associated Press. “All of those are reasonable explanations.” 

Whatever the reason, the ultimate result is that more troops returning home are bringing back with them a whole host of demons and ghosts.  These unwanted visitors may never leave the veteran and have significant impact on families, children, and communities.  Let us hope that people who can make war decisions are listening, creating effective support services, and making the process as uncomplicated as possible.  Let us hope that Americans are willing to provide the physical and mental health funding needed to restore those suffering from combat wounds.

For many families and veterans, the process of getting help becomes so overwhelming difficult that they feel victimized by the very system that should be offering them hope and healing.  And let us hope that every politician and every member of our society takes seriously our motto:

If we send them, then we must mend them.

Happy Easter

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In our family, Easter is a time to gather and celebrate the Good News. Our last blog focused on the challenges often associated with holidays along with some suggestions for making the day less stressful.

We are happy to report that our Easter celebration was wonderful.  We had our sons, several of their friends, Jan’s sister, and two extra dogs for the afternoon.  At times it could have been a bit hectic, however by following some of our own suggestions the day went quite well.

            As the day went on, Tony made his choices based on how he was feeling and what he wanted to do at the time.  Since there were a few basketball games on TV as well as a good movie, he had some quiet time in our lower family room. Most of the guests remained upstairs where goodies were arranged for munching and chatting.

            Since the weather was warm with plenty of sunshine, after dinner everyone took a long walk, working off some calories and getting the four-legged visitors out for some exercise.  Just being outside in the open air was very therapeutic.  It is amazing how calming nature can be in normalizing an otherwise busy gathering.

            The evening ended with playing our traditional family games which can be quite loud and annoying for some. So Tony once again spent some quiet time reading and watching March Madness.

            What is important is that everyone had a good time, had plentiful opportunities to engage in a variety of activities, and made choices that were appropriate for each person.  Long ago we stopped apologizing for any person who decides to make an alternative choice for the day.  Each person is responsible for him/herself and each person has permission to do what is best for him/her anytime during the celebrations.  By reducing unnecessary expectations, the large gatherings go much smoother. 

           We are so blessed to be able to spend quality time with family and friends.  It is important, therefore, that these special occasions turn out to be special because of the good things that occur, instead of some outburst that will be remembered miserably. 

Congratulations family!     We made it perfectly through another holiday.

Hippity, Hoppity and Snotty Vets

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-by Janet J. Seahorn

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            Gosh, can you believe it is Easter/Passover and once again families gather to celebrate the spirit of the season. Many will also hunt Easter eggs, gorge on chocolate bunnies, and enjoy family dinner and getting together.  This is a time to rejoice, but can also be a time of turmoil. There is ample opportunity for our Snotty Vets to practice breathing, self-control, and “looking” cheerful – even if it’s only a facade.  Today I woke with the children’s rhyme of “Here Comes Peter Cotton Tale”, but instead of the regular words this is what came to mind:

Here comes Peter Cotton Tail

Hopping down the combat trail,

Hippity, Hoppity, Demons on the way. 

            Yikes!  How weird is that!  Yet, the reality is many people who have suffered severe trauma find holidays incredibly challenging.  When everyone around appears to be laughing, enjoying company, having a great time, for some with experiences of trauma, all this joy may simply exacerbate the feeling of depression and isolation.  You desperately want to join in the festivities and you desperately want to feel normal.  So the downward spiral continues.

            Last blog I wrote about Snotty Fish and Snotty Vets.  In reflection I remembered past family gatherings where my Snotty Vet tried anxiously to fit into the interactions.  He participated gallantly until it got to be too much, which is when the teapot began to spout.  Too much steam building in a confined container and something has to give.   If only we had known about PTSD, its effects and ways of coping, family gatherings could have been much saner and safer for everyone.

            Therefore, here are a few suggestions that have worked for us.  We discovered these over many years of observing roller-coaster emotions.

  1. Don’t try and force your Snotty Vet to participate more than he/she is able. 
  2. Allow them to swim in whatever pond helps them to feel safe and calm. 
  3. Plan the loud festivities that can be annoying for many – not just Snotty Vets – to be in places that are outside or in very large surroundings.  By being smart, it reduces the tension and permits everyone a chance to find areas that aren’t so irritating. 
  4. Be thoughtful about the length of time anyone has to spend taking part in the activities.
  5. Be sure to find a good balance in how you celebrate. Be reflective and enjoy some quiet time as well.

Oh, and be sure to have a Happy Easter/Passover.  Celebrations are still important to cherish.  They can be the occasions that help us bond more tightly and even heal a bit.

And be sure to be kind to bunnies that wear combat boots.

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