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Jul
19
HEALING DAD
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Healing, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off on HEALING DAD
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It was Father’s Day and I got to thinking about all of the vets who are fathers and all of the special moments we shared as a family, as well as the times when things weren’t all that peaceful. In our book, Tears of a Warrior, we wrote that the good things far out numbered the bad. Yet, those difficult periods left lasting wounds; wounds that still remind us of the challenges of living with Post Traumatic Stress. Healing the wounds within us and the wounds inflicted on our loved ones can be a life long endeavor – a journey that poses some questions in order to mend the injuries.
First, identify who has been wounded and who do you need to help heal, besides yourself? Which relationships have been most broken by past and/or present actions? These can be spouses, children, siblings, parents, friends, and even co-workers. Identifying your “wounded group” will require a great deal of personal self-reflection and honesty. Not something most of us humans do well. Root-canals are easier to endure than admitting we have verbally harmed someone we care about due our unhealthy behavior.
What exactly needs healing? Things like trust wounds, word wounds, responsibility wounds. What actions impaired the ability of others to trust us? What did we do that makes us question if we can trust ourselves? When have we used words to inflict hurt? Interesting things – words; they can leave wounds that are longer lasting and harder to forget or forgive than many bodily injuries. Unlike physical bruises which can be seen on the outside of our bodies, words bruise the heart in ways that can neither be seen nor easily healed.
If you have been able to get this far, the difficult question of How can I mend these wounds? emerges. It isn’t important to do something huge; start with something simple which may not be all that easy. A phone call, a letter – personally I like Hallmark cards or even the new internet e-cards can be the beginning of saying I’m sorry, or Forgive Me. PTSD has been a bit like the words Jesus used on the cross, “forgive them for they know not what they do”. Because we did not know better, it was hard to do better. Most of us had no idea what PTSD was or how living through war left the veteran with residue that impacted his/her actions for years to come. Now we can get better by knowing more about the demons of combat.
Healing others helps us heal ourselves. It is a way of living forward with hope and personal forgiveness. It may be the only way we can diminish some of the demons allowing us to lead a more productive and peaceful life. Don’t wait another day to give yourself this belated Father’s Day gift. Some who have been wounded by our actions may not be ready or able to give forgiveness. This will be their journey. You can’t force forgiveness, nor can you take responsibility for it once you have assumed ownership of your own past actions. Take a deep breath, make that first step and conquer your fears and procrastinations.
“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try” (William Shakespeare).
May
28
THANK YOU FOR SERVING
Filed Under American Patriotism, Dogs, Events, Memorial Day, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Veterans, War, Wisdom | Comments Off on THANK YOU FOR SERVING
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Such a simple phrase stated on too few occasions by too few individuals.
During our travels we get opportunities to visit some special places that offer discounts or free admission to veterans. Most of the time people are pretty gracious. Then there are those situations where the “keeper of the gate” are, in my opinion, just plain ignorant on how to treat veterans.
We have heard stories over and over again on this topic. Some are quite sad, while others are pretty darn funny. On one recent occasion we were visiting a National Park. Tony was asked to show the gatekeeper his driver’s license along with other proof of identity. He had already given her his National Park’s Access Pass for Disabled Vets along with his VA Identification card with picture and signature. Animals with embedded ID’s aren’t scrutinized as rigidly. After all the ID confirmations, she could clearly see he had more than provided adequate identification, yet she still insisted on seeing his driver’s license and two other forms of identification with his signature on it.
This scenario that was absurdly comical. Yet, another part was perfectly annoying. After we jumped through the “gate keeper’s” hoops, we moved forward. Only later after driving several miles down the road did I think of the perfect reply. The next time (and there will be a next time) we’re asked to wiggle through silly bureaucratic hoops, when they are finished with their requests, I am going to respond kindly with the following:
You really meant to say: “Welcome Home and Thank You for Your Service.”
I must admit it will be a bit amusing to see the reaction.
Memorial Day is a time to give recognition and say a prayer of gratitude for all who have paid the supreme sacrifice for serving their country. We should never forget.
All our military personnel and veterans are our quiet role models and noble heroes.
These deserve our respect.
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE.
Mar
9
UNCOVER THE SUN
Filed Under Combat PTSD, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Today's War, Treating PTSD | Comments Off on UNCOVER THE SUN
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
There are so many ways to experience trauma in the world. Combat is just one, but it is one where the impact keeps on giving and giving. For many whose painful experiences occurred once or twice, many seem to be able to get up in the morning and feel grateful for the opportunity to have a fresh new start. The sun shines brighter and the colors of the world are more intense, even if some nights are seemingly unbearable.
The difference between a one time experience and multiple traumatic occurrences is the cumulative effect. The more often an individual faces harrowing life events, the more likely the brain is going to be influenced by those events. Because the brain is sculpted by experience, everything good or bad can make a difference.
We become who we are due to our genetic foundations and our environment. If that environment is nurturing, safe and challenging in a positive way, we have a greater chance to develop into self-confident, cheerful people. If, however, that environment is saturated with violent, unpredictable and dangerous circumstances the brain molds itself into a survival organism in order to hopefully sustain the trauma. The important thing to remember, however, is the age when a trauma occurs. Earlier is not always better.
We know the brain is not fully developed until the mid twenties (especially in males). So what do you think multiple combat deployments do to a developing brain? For many young men and women the outcome is pretty darn complicated. Connections within the brain are changed. Neurotransmitters, those chemicals in the brain that allow us to feel pleasure, prepare for fight or flight, suffer with depression, and other human experiences are changed. The physical organism that controls our behavior is changed. Trauma is serious business with serious effects for many.
For warriors returning from combat, the world is not as bright and welcoming as it was before war. Sense of identity is changed… you leave as a somewhat naive youngster and return as an adult aged beyond your years. PTSD is like having a gray veil placed over the sun. Sure it still shines. Yes, you can feel the warmth of its rays.
Yet, nothing is the same as before you left. Healing from trauma can be the unveiling of the sun. The way to remove that shroud or at least make it lighter is to seek help as soon as possible. You have the strength to Uncover the Sun. More importantly, you deserve to have the full brightness of its rays lighting your days and warming your heart.
Feb
22
Community Event
Filed Under American Patriotism, Human Rights, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off on Community Event
Thought you may be interested to know the Richfield, MN Human Rights Commission is using our book for a community event.
We are very please to learn that “Tears of a Warrior” is generating interest from the general public!
Click on website:
http://www.startribune.com/local/west/116500038.html
Feb
15
WICKED PROBLEMS
Filed Under Combat PTSD, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, War | Comments Off on WICKED PROBLEMS
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
No doubt about it, PTSD is a very Wicked Problem. Wicked Problems, by definition, are those dilemmas that cannot be solved easily by using a typical approach. Anyone living with traumatic stress, especially those pressures caused by combat, will attest to the challenges of trying to solve the predicament of moving through his/her life carrying the memories and phantoms of war. If the solution was easy, it would have been found centuries ago. Yet, here we are today, in 2011, and the Wicked Problem still exists.
One of the Wicked Problems of trauma is surviving the depression that can be a part of the conflict. How does a person live with long-term depression that often becomes the new normal after battle? Constance Gibbons, one of our readers, wrote last week and shared how depression has been the new normal for many vets including her husband. After years of having it a part of their daily being, it becomes their after war identity. She stated: Another interesting aspect from those of us observers – spouses, et al – was that universally we noted the levels of sort of a baseline enthusiasm, whereas, the vet thought they were quite fine.
She explained further: As you continue to think of ‘depression’ as it may be portrayed by the vet, maybe think of a sense of resolution, unknowing acceptance, somewhere in a lower zonal level (between overconfidence and fear) from the years of living on the cusp of life and death, at a level of continuing risk so great that without the impact of the continuing penetration, after, into youthful vulnerability, it appears to those of us in observation to be baseline depression…where it is not to the vet; just an absence of heightened stimulation. Wow, now how would anyone solve such a Problem?
Veterans carry many Wicked Problems – ghosts of death and shocks of battle, memories that make if difficult to stay grounded in every day activities, and struggles to avoid the sleepless nights where staying awake is one way to keep the dreams of foreign battles from returning. New therapies and medications have helped lower the impact of PTSD but it has not solved the Problem. I read many blogs and articles relating combat PTSD to the trauma that the average person might experience. Things such as car accidents, rape, assault… all which are terrible and difficult to cope. Yet, these are hard to compare to combat where trauma occurs every day, often numerous times in a day. One of the biggest differences is besides being the prey, in combat you must also become the predator. Instead of being involved in one brutal injury or death, you may experience many.
Fighting the Wicked Problems of war takes work. It requires listening to your gut feelings as well as how others around you perceive your behaviors. The good fight involves muffling the loud voices in the head long enough to examine realistic solutions. Perhaps there will be no absolute solution to PTSD, but every day there are warriors who conquer their demons and live full and meaningful lives. Wicked Problem you may remain, but you will not take more of a warrior’s life than you already stole. You will not win this internal war, even if you succeed in taking an emotional battle now and then. You see, Wicked PTSD Problem, in spite of your persistent, you are no match for the courage and willpower of a WARRIOR.
Feb
2
A HUMBLED JOY
Filed Under American Patriotism, Civilian life, Combat PTSD, Family, Life, Love, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Treating PTSD, War | Comments Off on A HUMBLED JOY
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
They stood before us, this beautiful, young couple. He had just returned home from a tour in Afghanistan, his second time away. They had many things they could have done that would have been much more fun than taking time to visit with us.
She was a student in my fall semester course at the University. At the beginning of the new semester she let me know her husband would be returning home soon and she wanted Tony and me to meet him. Just the request was a humbled joy. Actually meeting them on that cool winter day even meant more.
During our short time together, we did not talk much about his experiences at war except to listen to a few short phrases indicating he had been in some difficult situations.
I didn’t mention that his wife had to take an “Incomplete” for the college course because she became seriously ill and spent several days in the hospital. Somehow, all of this was now unimportant. The only thing we noticed was how the two people standing before us just couldn’t stop smiling and giggling continually as they held hands, grateful to finally be together.
My goodness, this was truly the picture of humbled joy.
That same day we spoke with an army Special Forces warrant officer who was helping to show students on campus the various skills and equipment used in the military. The young man explained that he had been in the army for sixteen years, joining-up right after high school. Honestly, he didn’t look like he was that old; he smiled widely when I shared my observation with him.
He talked about how joining the military at age seventeen was the best thing he has ever done. The army, he noted, gave him direction, guidance, and supported his development as a confident adult. The interesting detail about our conversation was how much I learned in a short time about his confidence as career military person.
At the beginning of our chat I asked how many times he had been overseas; five – six times if you counted a stint in Romania. The duration of each tour was between three and eight months depending on the mission. During several of his assignments he experienced the reality of war, including several casualties within his unit.
Yet, in spite of the stress, he seemed to be coping with the emotional and physical side effects of combat pretty well. It was challenging, he noted, to reintegrate into “normal” life on each return home, but the army gave him plenty of support and time to decompress.
He pointed out that on several occasions he was given a lengthy mental survey of over 115 items which sometimes highlighted his PTSD tendencies. Nevertheless, because he was career army, his adjustment process appeared to be faster and more comprehensive than veterans who left the service shortly after returning from battle. There does seem to be some significant benefits for the men/women who are in the military long term.
Perhaps being in a community of individuals who have experienced similar battle conditions helps the healing and understanding process. Being around other soldiers who can identify with the pain of combat; others who quietly appreciate the sacrifice of serving our country may lessen the feelings of emotional trauma of being alone in a world where most people haven’t experienced war. This, by itself, would be an immense relief because one wouldn’t have to pretend everything is OK when it isn’t. You wouldn’t have to go through each day feeling lost and alone because there would be a band of brothers surrounding you with knowledgeable support. At any rate, this young soldier certainly gave me some things to think about.
Humbled Joy, invisible, yet real. Thank you.
Nov
23
Humility & Bravery Visible
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Life, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Treating PTSD, War | 2 Comments
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
The day was wet and overcast.
Upon arriving at the VA Hospital in Denver, we noticed how many patients seemed to be waiting for a bus or a taxi. Tony didn’t appear overly eager to walk into the building. Just looking at the entrance from the outside made him nervous. Walking inside was even worse. Almost forty years ago, this was the place he went to get help for the nightmares and panic attacks he was experiencing after returning from Vietnam. A young therapist at the time, untrained and unskilled in working with military personnel thoughtlessly told him to be grateful he made it home, and get on with his life. For thirty years, Tony never went back there… or anywhere else for assistance.
Thank goodness we now have a verifiable diagnosis of these frightening memories; it is PTSD, and veteran centers across America are far more proficient in caring and supporting our wounded troops. Nevertheless, Tony had not been back to the Denver VA Hospital until Monday. We were going to talk with troops in the PTSD Unit of the hospital. This is a seven week program where vets get intensive counseling and treatment for their combat traumas. Today there are nineteen men attending the afternoon discussion. Humility can’t quite describe what we feel when we do such meetings.
The majority of the vets were from the Vietnam era with the remaining members from Iraq and Afghanistan. I am pretty sure most people have little understanding of how much suffering each patient has survived; years of torment and silent screams. Each face revealed a unique map of torment. It appeared that every wrinkle held its own story, its own remembrance. Yet, it was the younger warriors who made the most emotional impact. Perhaps this was because they reminded us of our sons. Or perhaps, we were too familiar with the pain they were experiencing and the long journey still ahead. Youthful faces were not yet lined with creases, though their eyes held an even deeper look of anguish. Yesterday’s combat field was not that far from today’s reality. Time had not yet put any distance from the rawness of war. Where several Vietnam vets were willing to talk, the young fighters stayed silent.
At the end of the afternoon, one young marine told me how difficult it was for his mother to understand what was happening to him. He talked about how she just kept saying, “Why don’t you just get better? Why aren’t you back to your old self? You weren’t wounded, what is the matter with you?” and then he said sadly, “she told me, why can’t you just take a pill and be OK?” Then he quietly stated, “I’m trying’ I’m really trying, but I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how hard I try.”
It was heartbreaking to watch him describe his situation. First he endured the many horrors of combat. When he came home, he had to endure the unawareness of the “ordinary” people.
Next, there was the tall, thin youth who sat shifting in his chair seeking a more comfortable position. His back pain was obvious, especially when he cautiously walked bracing his weight with his cane. The sweetest, shyest smile spread over his face as he approached. What he requested was an extra copy of our book, Tears of a Warrior. He wanted to send it to his wife, hoping she might read it before he returned home from the hospital. Perhaps she would gain a better understanding of his condition. Perhaps, by understanding, she would be able to bear the years ahead. Perhaps together they might make it though the dark times still to be faced.
More than ever, I am touched by the courage the young and the old veterans demonstrate. A valor that leads them forwarded searching for a small bit of peace. By making that huge leap of faith to enter this seven week program, they lay bare their demons, hoping by exposure to the light these may leave, or at least become less frightening. For most, I believe this will be true.
Like in combat, sometimes to survive, one must rush towards the enemy fighting with every ounce of power he/she possesses. Healing requires that same force of power – rushing towards the demons, lets them know you no longer will run from them. When the hiding ends the healing begins.
Have a healthy and Happy Thanksgiving.
Nov
14
REMEMBERING VETS
Filed Under American Patriotism, Family, Peace, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Veteran's Day, War | Comments Off on REMEMBERING VETS
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It is cold outside.
I just got home from my last lecture session. Needless to say it was quite interesting as the entire week I have been battling a bad cold and struggling with losing my voice.
Today, there was no voice. Trying to deliver a lecture with laryngitis is a challenge. Hence, I put all of my “words” on my wonderful PowerPoint and proceeded with the lesson.
Since the week is Veteran’s Day week, I decided I would do something different for my university classes. I would talk about the LITERACY of WAR: the vocabulary, the literature, the stories, and of course, the effects of war on both the veteran and the families.
My first slide said this:
My husband is a Vietnam veteran who was a young officer and served in the jungles between the borders of Cambodia and Vietnam. He witnessed a great deal of bloody battles and lost many men. He has two Purple Hearts. The last one he received after being severely wounded. Out of 130 men, only 19 walked away without any injuries. The rest were either killed or wounded. Yesterday I asked if he would like to be the guest speaker for today’s class since I have no voice. His response is what he said he would tell you,
“My wife thinks I’m not miserable enough, so she wants me to talk about PTSD for 90 minutes.”
He said some other things he might share with you, at which time I decided his services would not be needed! (I would like to keep my job.)
Of course my students thought this was pretty funny, even if it was true. But the purpose of this blog is to share with you what I learned from my students. It is pretty sobering.
Out of 140 students, only five had ever had a college session where the professor talked about or honored veterans on Veteran’s Day.
Most students were interested in the session’s information and videos. A few, however, during the first short video paid more attention to their text messages than to the video. Then I put on a slide, “How well did you listen and honor our veterans during the show?” The room was incredible still. The other short clips received 100% of their attention.
- Young people are not insensitive to veterans, I believe their seeming thoughtlessness is not that at all… it is because the adults around them do not take the time to talk WITH them, or to REMIND them of the sacrifices others have made FOR them. Schools, communities, and parents are the ones most at fault. Many have lived the experience and stayed silent. No longer will I remain soundless. I will always give this presentation in the coming years.
- We did an activity where students moved forward when I asked a question if a relative had served, was injured, or died in a particular war. Many took a step when I mentioned WWII. More stepped forward again when I mentioned Vietnam. And last, when I asked about the Iraq/Afghanistan conflict, I was surprised at how many were impacted. Last, I asked for those who had or were currently serving in today’s wars, four stepped forward. I had them face the class so all would see. Then I began clapping and the entire class gave these four young men a standing ovation for their service. It was an emotional moment for everyone.
At the end of class two of the young men commented that this was the first time anyone had acknowledged and thanked them for their service. Today was the first of what I hope will be many. And just as important 140 young people may stop every now and then, think about those who gave and are giving so much, and say a prayer of gratitude.
Perhaps, when they see a vet or know of a family member who has served they will say Thank You.
A few have already called home and done just that.
Sep
28
SUICIDE: DID YOU KNOW?
Filed Under Combat PTSD, Life, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, War | 1 Comment
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Did you Know:
·
Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in America. Every year it takes more lives than auto accidents.
· Suicide impacts kids as young as five and as old as ninety-five.
· The rate of suicide in the armed forces continues to grow with each deployment.
· Current statistics show an active-duty suicide every 36 hours – 18 veterans a day dies by their own hand (Lily Casura, Napa Valley Register, 9/19/2010).
· Women vets are two – three times more likely to commit suicide than non-veteran women (American Psychiatric Association)
· Suicide is more than an emotional state; it is a physical condition as well.
· Depression is treatable… suicide is not —– the final step has already been taken.
Combat is an unhealthy enough challenge. Yet, when a veteran returns home, the struggle may be even worse. Worse because there are fewer people to talk to who understand what he/she has gone through. Worse because during combat one didn’t always have time to think about the horrors of war; now at home, there is often too much time to think. And worse, because depression of any kind is a hidden desperado that becomes a very real physical condition, few understand and address the issue.
In so many cultures, including American, we have been led to believe that depression is something that is strictly emotional. Something that we can easily get over if we just put our “minds” to it. It invades every cell of the body. It steals the good hormones such as serotonin, endorphins, dopamine… and replaces them with a whopping dose of cortisol – one of the stress hormones that cause fight, flight, or freeze. Unfortunately for many, the way one may must fight or fight depression is suicide.
One reason this issue is so important to me is it hits close to home. In the city of Fort Collins, Colorado, suicide has already been the cause of over 39 deaths this year – far more than those who die in traffic accidents. One of those statistics was a close friend of a student in my university class. Imagine sitting in class and getting a text message stating your close friend has taken her life. When I was teaching middle school many years ago, a wonderful young man decided to end his life before he ever had a chance to begin his life. His parents were certain their child’s death was an accident, even though evidence indicate the young man made three different attempts at ending his life before one finally worked.
It is important we all know more about this topic, Suicide. Like any enemy, the more we know about our opponent, the better we can fight the battle and win. So I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes by Emily Dickinson, “Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.” Try to keep opening new doors; sunshine is waiting behind one of them. 
Sep
5
IF YOU’RE NOT OK, THEN WE’RE NOT OK
Filed Under Black Lions, Brain Injury, Combat PTSD, Family, Life, PTSD, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Treating PTSD, War | Comments Off on IF YOU’RE NOT OK, THEN WE’RE NOT OK
by Janet J. Seahorn
Every day there are more and more wounded victims of war. These are the spouses, the children, the parents, the sisters and brothers of the veteran… and the list grows. It is one reason that we continually urge those impacted by serving in a war zone to get help as soon as possible if they begin to feel the “fall out” effects of combat.
There are centuries of evidence that prove this point. When a person returns from a traumatic experience and normal life is no longer normal, those around will become part of the trauma. It is an obvious statement, yet, there are too many veterans and families that refuse to acknowledge and deal with the situation.
It is like having an elephant in the room that no one wants to recognize or admit is there. The unrealistic thinking goes something like this… “If I just ignore the large problem, it will eventually go away”. The only problem with the problem is that it does not go away, in fact, it often grows bigger and bigger. And it begins to become more active. Imagine having a raging elephant in the room charging around with its large tusk and huge trunk. Wow, and I haven’t even mentioned all the crap it leaves lying around. It feeds on everything in sight, so eventually your house is a mess and you don’t have a safe place to hide from the growing beast.
Human nature seeks coherence and peace, even in the most chaotic of times. It is always looking for that which is safe and enjoyable. It craves stability and excitement, joy and delight. When these are absent for long periods of time, it is easy for depression and hopelessness to set in. You see, if someone you deeply care about is not OK, then it is quite challenging for you to be OK. And if both of us are not OK, then WE, as a couple, a family, a relationship, are not OK! Herein lies the hard choice — you can either accept the “crap” and continue on the path you may currently be on, or you can make another choice. A choice that can lead to healing. A choice that may allow the relationship to be more positive and loving. A choice that begins to do something about THAT elephant in the room.
Either way, we all choose which way we will continue our journey. Whatever choice we make will not be an easy path. However, one definitely has more constructive possibilities than the other. We persistently mention that if children are involved, than getting the elephant out of the room is crucial to their well-being and healthy development. As adults, we make our own choices, but children are subject to the outcomes of our choices. More than likely, they don’t get to have a voice; they are the helpless victims of our selection, good and bad. Therefore, think deeply about what you are and are not doing. Your children’s lives depend on which options you make.
For some of us, we didn’t have the information about PTSD, TBIs (Traumatic Brain Injuries), and other impacts of war. We did the best we could; at least, we want to hope we did. New military personnel have better information. They can and must make better choices, if not for themselves, for their children and the future of our next generation. Healthy life truly depends on this choice.