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Mar
31
YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE JOY
Filed Under Coronavirus, COVID-19, Grace, Grateful, Gratitude, Happiness, Healing, Hope, Joy Challenge, Love, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Tears of Joy | Comments Off on YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE JOY
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
Several days ago, while watching the endless news about coronavirus I heard a newscaster say something that has stuck with me, “You can’t quarantine tears”. As I thought about this, even when trying to go to sleep and find some semblance of rest during these challenging times, the words kept playing over and over again in my head, “You can’t quarantine tears”. He was absolutely right, you can’t. We can’t quarantine suffering either. Never have and probably never will. We can’t quarantine fear. Fear mainly of the unknown which is far greater than fear of the known. Fear of the known we can see more clearly, put boundaries around, perhaps contain to some degree. But fear of the unknown has an unlimited projectile. It can go on in endless ways and directions. Places that only our unlimited imagination can invent or conceive.
However, the more I thought about these words I realized if we can’t quarantine any of these frightening things, than certainly we can’t quarantine some of the more positive behaviors as well. We can’t quarantine hope. We can’t quarantine kindness. We can’t quarantine love. We can’t quarantine courage. And, just as important, we can’t quarantine joy. So often, we say to ourselves once this virus situation is over, I can go back to being happy, to being joyful. Yet, that is not how the world works. We must choose these behaviors just as we must choose to contain the scary ones. Practicing joy is an exercise in gratitude. Waking up each morning and seeing a beautiful sunrise. Being greeted by two overjoyed, four-legged children whose exuberance in seeing you almost drops you to the ground by their seventy pounds of pure energy. They emulate joyfulness at its fullest. Getting a phone call or text from a family member or friend to remind us that someone is thinking about us each day is joy. Seeing the first signs of spring – green sprouts of grass, daffodils, budding trees, these are all signs of hope, of new beginnings, of joy.
Just as it is true that we can’t quarantine all the horrible things that occur some days, we can’t quarantine the good either. Yet, quarantining the good, the joy, the hope, the kindness… these take more effort and conscious thought. And just as there was a beginning of this coronavirus, there will eventually be an end. There will be a new beginning where people can gather without fear. Where families and love ones can hug each other with even more joy and gratitude than ever before because we now don’t take for granted what was given to us each and every day. This new beginning will offer us greater gratitude in our work, whatever it is, in being able to doing something, anything other than sitting at home, sometimes alone and scared. This new beginning will show us how much we took for granted in the past without ever noticing the gifts right in front of us. As we go forward each day, remember not what we have lost – at least for the time being – but what we have always had and hopefully will have again. Remember to practice hope, kindness, courage, love, and compassion. And, remember, if we choose, we can’t quarantine any of these behaviors and we WON’T quarantine JOY.
Aug
6
WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION
Filed Under Aging, Brody, Dog is God, Dogs, Joy Challenge, Pets, Service Dogs, Tears of a Warrior, Trooper, WMD | Comments Off on WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.
Recently I bought a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction). It was something Tony and I have discussed and thought about for a very long time. Getting a hold of a WMD can be expensive and usually requires some research about the seller, type, even color. There are days I question my decision as well as my sanity. Was this choice a wise move or one made in a moment of weakness or total impulsiveness?
My home has been transformed into a combat zone. I can’t leave for even a few minutes or the destruction could be massive. This weapon can’t be left alone for any length of time. It must stay in a secure and yet environmentally comfortable space. Neighbors and friends sometimes stop over just to get a peek at it. Some admire it and others are afraid to get too close just in case it might detonate itself. Some may also wonder why I would get such an item at my age and stage in life. There are days I ask myself the same question; other times I merely feel bad that they don’t possess such a handsome and amazing weapon.
The weapon often gives me a sense of comfort just to know it is there, to touch it, to think about its remarkable potential. I may have failed to mention that even though my WMD is pretty wonderful it was and is not inexpensive. Proper nutrition, check-ups to make sure it is in tip top working condition, enough exposure to clean air, etc. Trooper, Tony’s service dog often wonders why we ever brought such an item into our peaceful home. He wants to know if and when we might take it back. You see, Trooper has to watch it very carefully just in case it explodes as it frequently does at any unexpected moment. He never had to put up with such an object even when he was being raised in prison and his training never included how to deactivate such a WMP.
By now you may be guessing what I’m talking about, or you may know exactly what I’m describing. It has four-legs, a silky black coat, incredibly sharp baby teeth that can shred a stuffed toy or slipper in a matter of minutes. This four-legged, miniature tornado has wallpapered my front room with toilet paper reminding me of the shenanigans we did in high school when we toilet papered friends’ trees leaving them to clean up after our mess. Maybe he is retribution for my younger days. Even with all of these challenges this WMP is so friggin adorable especially when he is asleep. We even gave him a name, Brody… short for brother.
It is fascinating how we can so totally love this destructive little ####. Tony sometimes asks why Trooper is such a super sweet, well-behaved young man. I remind him Trooper was raised in prison where there weren’t a lot of opportunities for a puppy to get into trouble. There were no kitchen counters with food where he could have managed to remove the yummy contents. Probably there weren’t many smelly slippers to destroy, and if you misbehave there may have been bigger consequences. WOW…. Maybe I can send Brody to jail for at least a year of training. Confinement might not be as exciting for him, but it would give us a much needed rest. Trooper is extremely in favor of this idea.
Mar
28
Missing Bailey
Filed Under Bailey, Dog is God, Dogs, Family, Happiness, Heroes, Hope, Joy Challenge, Life, Love, Pets, PTSD, Service Dogs, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Tears of Joy, Veterans, War Dogs, Wounded Veterans, Wounded Warriors | Comments Off on Missing Bailey
By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Dec
22
SIMPLE BLESSING
Filed Under American Patriotism, Christmas, Giving, Joy Challenge, Life, Love, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on SIMPLE BLESSING
by Janet & Tony Seahorn
It is almost Christmas, a few days left until we celebrate the special event that people around the world have been doing for centuries. Some of us know this occasion as the birth of Jesus. Some call it the “thank goodness the shopping is over season”. And some simply hope the day passes as quickly as possible, overwhelmed by the season of consumerism.
Weeks ago we put out to our readers an opportunity to do something for themselves and others. To do something that would calm the spirit, or an act that would make a difference for someone else. We promised to share a few comments from our readers. I learned something from this experience. Veterans fight courageously, suffer silently, and strive for goodness every day. Here are a few we received.
One veteran’s wife wrote that her husband’s close friend had suffered a serious accident and has been in a coma in the ICU burn unit since mid November. Her husband and several other Vietnam Vets have taken turns twice a week spending the night at the hospital to relieve the wife and family. They watch as their friend “continues to fight ‘awareness’, flailing arms, legs, head, and not opening eyes or focusing. We can only imagine what is going on inside his head, the thoughts, flashbacks of Nam, the unwillingness to come to”, she recounts. Their involvedness has caused her husband and the others to have their own ghosts emerge – burn centers and trauma is a trigger to their days in Nam. Now they also take time to reflect on their blessing.
My brother John wrote: Let us start that list with our name at the top because if one cannot make themselves happy first, then how can we make anyone else happy. Second on the list has to be my best friend and companion Wyatt, my lab retriever. A prayer John uses every morning is “GOD HELP ME WALK WORTHILY THIS DAY SO THAT WHEN I LIE DOWN AT NIGHT I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED”. Then I thank HIM every night for everything that happened that day.
Others discussed how they had written a letter to a family member. Some of the letters were sent to tell a particular person how much his/her presence in life has meant. How by simply being present provided a sense of belonging and safety. Others wrote to ask for another chance, a chance for redemption, a chance to help the estranged person understand the long and difficult journey the writer has endured. Perhaps, after years of alienation, there will be forgiveness, compassion, and a better understanding of each individual’s existence. Possibly a miracle may happen and relationships may begin to heal. At any rate, it is more important that the effort was made.
The last one we will share tells of how a veteran and his wife were in a grocery store when they noticed two nuns shopping. The nuns would pick up an article, look at the price tag, then put it back on the shelf. Obviously, he writes, they could not afford much. As the man was checking out, he kept his eyes on the nuns. When their bill came up, he walked over and told the cashier he was paying for their items. Needless to say, the ladies were both surprised and quite grateful. He is now a part of their prayers. What was most important, he writes,
“At the end of the day I took the challenge and went out with my wife and helped somebody.
Taking the initiative to help others made me feel good about myself”.
Thank you again for sharing your stories. We hope that your season has been healthier and happier. We know for certain each of you reading this Christmas message has made a difference for others. You are simply a blessing for many, and you deserve an abundance of Simple Blessings.
Nov
28
THE JOY CHALLENGE
Filed Under Christmas, Combat PTSD, Family, Joy Challenge, Peace, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on THE JOY CHALLENGE
by Janet & Tony Seahorn
It is a bit sad to think of celebrations as a “thing” to “get through”.
Unfortunately, for many people suffering from trauma and loss, that is precisely the case. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. Dinner was scrumptious with tasty fares of turkey, dressing, creamy mashed potatoes, and several great desserts. Laughter was abundant.
Yet, for Tony, the noise, the larger number of people – it was only nine of us total – found it still an effort to make it through the day. After dinner, when we all were playing games, he retired to a quieter room to watch football and relax. Our sons would go down to chat, but it wasn’t the same as having him join us in the fun. After everyone left, Tony felt the familiar pangs of sadness and guilt. He wanted so much to spend more time with everyone, but simply could not manage it. Trauma squeezes an excessive sum of happiness from folks. It is the thief who continually keeps on taking and taking and taking. Unlike the Grinch who stole Christmas, this silent bandit never gives anything back.
It is heartbreaking to watch the joy of this beautiful season being weakened by suffering. Therefore, I am sending forth a challenge to each of our readers; a challenge that may take some real effort each day. This may be a test that will demand some thought and determination if it is to be successful. But most of all, this challenge will only be taken on by those who really do want extra joy in their coming days.
For most us when we are feeling a bit down we have to put forth special attempts to look for the joy around us. At other times, usually when things appear to be quite desperate, we will have to create joy. Normally, the only way we are successful in creating joy is do something joyful for someone else.
To begin this challenge, make a list of things that make you happy, a clumsy puppy, your mates smile, a quiet walk along your favorite path… Whatever it is write it down, then paste a copy on your refrigerator and your bathroom mirror – for obvious reasonsJ
Now, for the next four weeks take time each day to achieve at least ONE thing on your list. If you are absent minded like me, put a mark on the calendar that you made your JOY commitment for the day. Look around carefully, where do you notice someone in need of assistance? Perhaps this is your chance to CREATE joy, doing something for someone else. Taking an action that may take a bit of a burden from a family or person in need. Golly, these are acts that a Grinch would detest, because bandits can’t steal what is being given from the heart.
Finally, and I very much hope Tony and I hear from many of you, sometime before Christmas send us a short message to let us know if this challenge made your holiday season a bit better this year.
If you did perform an “act of kindness”, we would love to hear about that too. In our Christmas week blog we will be a sharing the messages we receive. Do something special this season, take this Joy Challenge.
In doing so, remember this quote by Charles D. Gill,
“Believe that you make a difference. There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them”.
We wish you twenty-five days of amazing goodness. May this season bring you the joy you so richly deserve.
Seasons Greetings