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Dec
28
GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAY SEASON
Filed Under American Patriotism, Bless Our Troops, Christmas, Events, Family, Happy New Year, Healing, Military, New Year, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Troops, Veterans, War | Comments Off on GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAY SEASON
Guest post by Lisa Drossert
The following was on one of our friend’s Facebook post. It is very thoughtful advice and may help some of you to get through the holiday season with better understanding of what is going on in some veterans’ mind. Thank you Lisa Drossart for sharing this information.
If you have a Combat Veteran in your family and you don’t like their moods and behavior around the holidays; please consider these six things:
1.) Your combat veteran has served in countries where people are blessed to receive a tattered pair of shoes or have clean water to drink; he/she no longer lives the “first world illusion” and no longer cares that if you buy one play station you can get a second one for fifty percent off. In fact, they find it hard to appreciate any of the gluttonous commercialism and overindulgence that permeates American holidays. Standing watch, boring as it was, had so much more purpose than going to the mall.
2.) Your Combat Veteran is thankful for the most basic things; not thankful for mega-sales and million dollar parades. They are thankful to be alive; thankful to have survived both the wars far away and the wars they struggle with inside.
3.) Your Combat Veteran is thankful that it wasn’t them that got killed, or wishes that it was them that got killed instead, or is torn painfully between the two. Either way, their celebrations are forever complicated by guilt and loss over those that did not come home. Some of the most thankful times in their life (lucky to be alive) were some of the scariest. Their feelings of thanks and celebration often conjure memories that are equally painful.
4.) Your Combat Veteran is not like you anymore. At some point, for some period of time, their entire life boiled down to just three simple things: when will I eat today, when will I sleep today, and who will I have to kill or who will try to kill me today? They are not like you anymore.
5.) Your Combat Veteran does not need a guilt-trip or a lecture; they already feel detached in their grief while others so easily embrace the joy of the season. They need understanding and space; empathy not sympathy.
6.) Your Combat Veteran does love his/her family and is thankful for the many blessings in their life…and they are thankful for you.
Dec
23
A STREET CORNER REMINDER
Filed Under Christmas, Giving, Happy New Year, Holiday Season, Homeless, Hope, Human Rights, New Year, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on A STREET CORNER REMINDER
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It’s that time of year when everyone is in a hurry and streets of our downtown area are filled with more shoppers than usual. The lights, ornaments, and sounds are festive and distracting to the eye. Often times we never notice people as they pass us on the sidewalks especially if we are on our mind-sucking phones or looking over our Christmas list of “non-essential” material crap. This was somewhat the case for me yesterday.
As I rounded a corner, however, I couldn’t help but notice a pair of homeless men – one was laying asleep, his back down on the cold sidewalk while the other sat awake asking for loose change with a cardboard sign reading “anything will help”. I’m not sure why this made me uncomfortable or imprinted on my less than holiday spirit. After all I had only ventured to the downtown area to buy one last gift for a friend and desperately wanted my shopping to be over.
As I went into a store close to them I tried not to look too closely at the pair and tried even harder not to think about them as I was moving through the aisles. But there was this damn nagging memory of a professor I knew when I was getting my doctorate in Santa Barbara many years ago. This professor’s focus was working with and studying the homeless. He even spent many nights on the street being “homeless” himself. The one thing he said I remember best was “when you are homeless you tend to be invisible. People try not to look at you, talk to you, or even offer a simple smile”. You feel more insubstantial than ever. Although he said some homeless like the lifestyle, the freedom, the vast majority are there not of their own choosing, but because of a mental health issue, poverty, poor early family support… the reasons were more numerous than I had first considered.
Leaving the store (and not the one with the gift I was to purchase), I quickly glanced to see if the two were still in their spot. Of course they were. As I walked to my next destination I couldn’t get this professor’s words out of my head, or Jesus when he said “feed the hungry”. Dang it!!!! I ended up walking almost a block to find a place to buy some food to go when I spotted a favorite coffee shop. Going in I ordered three egg sandwiches and three hot coffees. Why three, I’ll never know it just came out of my mouth. Also, I thought the sandwiches were already prepared and only needed to be heated in their micro. Yep, that would have been too easy. The young man began making them from scratch. It took much longer than expected and the line behind his counter kept growing making me feel apologetic that my order was making his busy day even harder to manage while those in line became more restless to place their orders.
Finally, I grabbed the bag of sandwiches and coffee, apologized to the young man and the people in line, left and walked quickly to deliver the package while the food and coffee were still hot. Hoping the two men were still at the corner I walked quickly to finish my mission. As I approached the one man was still sleeping. Giving the other man the food I couldn’t help but notice how he had many teeth missing and decayed. It was obvious he had not been to a dentist for decades. I, on the other hand, spend far too much time in the dentist’s chair. It is troublesome not to acknowledge how blessed I am, how many resources I have to keep me healthy and well fed. The proof of my blessed life was right before me, wishing me Merry Christmas. All I could think of was “there by the grace of God go I”.
With sadness and humility I walked to my car totally forgetting the gift I had gone downtown to purchase. The real gift was the gratitude and sweetness of that man who sat just around the corner on that cold winter day while holiday shoppers passed by quickly not looking to see the special person sitting on the sidewalk underneath a Christmas light.
Note – The next day on my daily calendar appeared the following:
“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain”. Emily Dickinson
And, “Father, give me Your heart and use me to reach out to someone in need. To some, this season brings much loneliness and pain. Lead me to the ones who need to experience the joy of your companionship.”
Reach out and fill a need. Merry Christmas.
Mar
1
Settling into the Year 2018
Filed Under Aging, American Patriotism, Bless Our Troops, Courage, Dog is God, Dogs, Family, Happiness, Happy New Year, Journey, Love, Service Dogs, TBI & PTSD, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Veterans | Comments Off on Settling into the Year 2018
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
Now that we’re well into the New Year, and thinking about moving forward into a year of fresh beginnings. Remembering and preserving old friendships, being aware and grateful for an abundance of goodness, people, health and purposeful work that occupy our days can offer a sense of optimism. Yet, most important, having a richness of love in our lives – love of family (yes, even those that sometimes drive us nuts), love (and loss) of endearing pets, love of neighbors and friends, and love of something within and above us that help to guide us through the darkness.
For some that light may be almost infinitesimal dim. Bob Woodruff, a well-known journalist and author who suffered a devastating brain injury from an IED while covering the military in Iraq wrote in his book “In an Instant“, “First you must touch the black and then go back up to the light.” It was his way of “acknowledging that you have to let the fear in, but to dwell on the fear will only cripple you. You need to move back into a world of hope.”
There is no denying that 2017 was a year of great challenges and loss for many, and 2018 hasn’t been easier with the recent death of our beloved service dog, Bailey. Family members, treasured pets and very dear friends are no longer with us. Saying goodbye has never been easy even when we recognize that it is for the best (at least for that loved one).
However, we are trying hard to center on the plentiful blessings in our lives. The old saying, “It is just as easy to focus on being positive as it is to be negative”, every so often can seem like a big bowl of crap. Advice to the reader – listening can be more important than trying to comfort an individual by making comments such as “Suffering builds character”. I’ve never believed that old cliché. I think suffering reveals character more than builds it. Sometimes, we simply need to allow ourselves and others to grieve, to be sad, and to nurture our physical and emotional selves.
Nonetheless, I still believe that life is worth the time to live fully and with resolve. I still believe that most people are generous and decent. I still believe that compassion trumps unkindness and hate generates more cruelty in a world already filled with too much bitterness. I still believe that truth is more important than ever to counteract the deceit and false narratives of which others try to convince us. And, more than ever, I still believe in hope, for without hope it would be hard to wake up each morning with a sense of joyfulness.
Lastly, for our veterans, first responders and their families we wish you a year filled with peace, prosperity, and well-being.
You’ve sacrificed enough.
Daily count your blessings and know how precious those special moments can be.
Now it’s time to enjoy an exceptionally amazing New Year.
Jan
8
Another New Year
Filed Under Happy New Year, Healing, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on Another New Year
by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D
It is January 2016 – another New Year. Where I live in Colorado and Wyoming the ground is covered by a layer of fresh snow. The brilliant white blankets the landscape with cleanness, somewhat like an artist’s blank pallet before she begins to paint. The idea that I can begin this year with a clean slate – that I can create whatever I choose brings a sense of hope and optimism for the coming year.
Interesting, my morning meditation topic was “I make a difference”. What a perfect goal for this new year that every day I have the opportunity to make a difference however large or small. Perhaps it is simply a smile to a stranger, a phone call to a friend, a quiet prayer for someone in need. Perhaps it is picking up one piece of trash on a sidewalk, shoveling a neighbor’s sidewalk or bringing a meal to someone who can’t get out to a grocery store.
There are countless ways I can make a difference. The important issue is not to merely THINK about doing a good deed. The essential action is to DO IT! The thought is nice but the ACT is necessary. If I was into tattoos – I’m not…. I hate needles – I would engrave on my wrist the following words, “I can and choose to make a difference”.
Happy New Year – make each day forward count.
