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By Janet J. Seahorn Ph.D.

It is the day after January 6, 2021 and I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried.  The thoughts and experiences of this past year and then yesterday were way too vivid.  Even though my family is in good health, the grief and turmoil that so many others have faced and continue to endure can be overwhelming. As a former teacher I worry greatly about all the children in our world and the adult issues they are facing only with the understanding of a young mind. It reminded me of the Christmas letter Virginia O’Hanlon wrote to The New York City Sun, a well read newspaper in 1897.  This is my version as a result of a lack of sleep.

Dear Country,

I am an eight year old girl. Some of my friends say there is no longer a United States of America. They say that people are too divided and that we will never come together or agree on anything again. Since my parents state I can no longer rely on some newspapers or television people to tell me the truth I am asking that someone in our country, perhaps even our Supreme Court justices can give me an honest answer.

Yours truly, Virginia

Dear Virginia,

Your friends and even many adults are wrong.  “They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical era.”  They refuse to believe in truth, decency, and goodness even though they know in their hearts what is real or what is false. For some reason, Virginia, you and many of your friends are so much better at deciding truth and accepting each other for who you are rather than how much money you may have, what religion you belong to, or what political ideologies your parents adhere.  Children don’t really care about these things as much as they care about kindness, compassion, and puppies. Many adults have lost their ability to ask questions, to seek what is genuine, to be brave in the challenge of uncertainty, and to trust in hope over fear.  Most children are very smart at questioning everything, being brave, and trusting in things unseen like unicorns and angels.

Yes, Virginia, there is a United States of America. “It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.” How discouraging and dangerous our world would be without a United United States of America. There would be no beacon of hope for other people in nations and countries without a strong democracy. There would be no faith that there exists in this world people and nations who value truth, integrity and acceptance of others and who believe all men and women are indeed created equal.

Not to believe in a United States of America would be giving up on peace, light and joy only to have us live in a world filled with hatred, doubt, and darkness.  Not to believe in a United States of America would be to give up trying to understand others, only focus on the act of getting instead of giving. How sad it would be to stop forgiving and only hold on to bitterness. Not to believe in a United States of America would be to forget and dishonor the immense sacrifice so many men, women and families have given over countless wars so that we can be a country that honors the freedom to vote, the freedom to choose our leaders, and the freedom to honor our sacred commitment to equality.

Dear Virginia, in this world there is no greater gift than that of Freedom. No United United States of America would make sure we are no longer a truly great and strong country. No United States of America tells our enemies that we no longer care or stand for the ideals that our forefathers created in our Constitution. Most of all, no United States of America is totally unbearable because our country must always survive in order to ensure the best and most resilient life for you and your friends.

GOD bless you, Virginia, and GOD bless America.

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

There is so much turmoil going on in our country and our world right now. It is hard to find one’s compass to guide us to our best self.  Finding our way through the dark takes a great deal of soul searching, patience, and deep examination of our thoughts, beliefs, and values.  I must admit over the last many months I have often questioned the direction we are all heading, and it scares me more than a little.

A few days ago, needing a change of scenery and a chance to get away from the toxic smoke of several wildfires in our area, my husband and I along with our two energetic black labs took a day trip up to the Snowy Range in southern Wyoming. While driving through Laramie I noticed two large billboards.  One was of Malala Yousafzaui, the young Pakistan teenage girl shot by the Taliban because she was vocal about women’s education; the huge word COURAGE was the message. The second said, “FEAR IS CONTAGIOUS, SO IS HOPE”. Both got me thinking, what else is contagious? What else needs our courage?

Joy, laughter and smiles are contagious and need courage to keep us going. Kindness, compassion, and generosity are contagious. Truth, unity, and goodness can be contagious but in these divisive times will take a great deal of courage.  Courage among our leaders to be truthful. Unity to help heal a much divided nation, and Goodness – the goodness and courage it will take every second of every day to keep us grounded in what is important and focused on what is decent.

Protecting our environment will take an intense commitment to do what is right for future generations – even when we won’t be around to participate and hopefully enjoy. Speaking up when necessary and staying quiet when appropriate take courage and may help us not focus on creating more FEAR but growing more HOPE.

In a time when we are angrier and more divided than ever, what will it take to hold our families, our neighborhoods, our country, and ourselves together? It will take each of us holding a higher standard for ourselves and each other that goes far beyond political beliefs. If we are truly “One Nation Under God” or whoever one might call a higher spirit, we can’t merely say the words; we must ACT and LIVE the words.

Yes, Fear truly is contagious, but for me, I will choose Hope, because this is not my United States of America, this is OUR United States of America.

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

How many of you remember the song, Rainbow Connection, by my favorite green frog, Mr. Kermit?  In a time of necessary isolation and separation we need to work hard to find ways to connect to each other.  Kermit’s song, Rainbow Connection, got me thinking about my own Rainbow Connection. Covid19 has attacked almost every part of our daily existence… our relationships, our jobs, our food sources, our medical care, schools – and the list seems endless. Struggling to maintain any semblance of our pre-covid lives can be exhausting. Grasping to stay attached to our family, friends, coworkers, neighbors can be an emotional combat zone.

During a storm the clouds gather, the skies darken, and often times the winds howl horrifically.  Eventually rain falls, sometimes lightly and sometimes with the force of pelting water bullets that turn into huge hailstones. Yet, after the storm – if we are lucky and continue to look beyond the gale an amazing rainbow appears.  The fractions of light bounce off each raindrop reflecting astonishing and breathtaking colors as a promise of the possibility for new beginning and fresh new starts.

Our tears can be a bit like these raindrops, but the various colors may only be seen in our own minds and hearts.  We experience the colors of grief, of fear, loneliness and anxiety. However, there are also colors of hopefulness, courage, joy, love and clearer skies in the future. What lessons are we learning about each other? Ourselves? Are we able to see ALL of the rainbow or only a small part?

The other day I came across a quote by Haruki Murakami,

“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

In the song, Kermit talks about being a Lover, a Dreamer, and Me… and the voices calling your name. Perhaps these new voices are what you hear after or even during the storm.  Are you listening?  There is magic in rainbows and we can, if we choose, linger under the glorious and colorful spell of its Vision.  If we look for what may be on the other side, perhaps we can keep that Lover, that Dreamer in us and connect it to others.  Perhaps we are that Rainbow Connection and we are a bit better after the storm than before we went into it.

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

A few weeks ago I wrote a short article on “You Can’t Quarantine Joy”. Little did I know a few weeks later those words would need to not just be remembered but practiced.  They would haunt and humble me. You see, I ended up back in the hospital after several ER visits.  Luckily I only had pneumonia… Ha, Ha…. Only pneumonia and other “stuff” they couldn’t diagnosis. When first admitted I had to spend several hours on the coronavirus ward waiting for my tests results to show that I was safe to be transferred to a “normal” room.  The doctors and nurses were in their protective gear.  The room’s window had been sealed off with a special fan attached that allowed no outside pathogens to escape to the outside environment.

After being transferred to the “safer” ward, I had days to think about my situation and the state of the world.  Watching TV was not an option.  The news was too grim. My grandmother used to say “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. It isn’t – it’s more like Dante’s Inferno.  The mind takes you to places you absolutely don’t want to visit. It took every ounce of my energy to try and keep a positive mindset, count my blessings and maintain some form of emotional stability as my body was far from feeling positive.

For those out there, both patient and supporters, here are some things to understand, to consider. First trauma does some interesting things to the mind and body.  It changes you whether you want it to or not. Like a teapot that is designed to let off steam when the water in the pot becomes too hot – we are built in a similar way.  When we get too overwhelmed we need time and space to let out some steam. We need space to scream, shout, cry uncontrollably.   We need our own inner self to process what we’ve been through, to grieve our physical losses and our emotional sufferings.  The energy it requires to constantly stay upbeat takes its toll and becomes crushing. We need moments to recognize and acknowledge that we’ve been through something horrible and we had to do it alone… in a lonely hospital room with no loved one by our side.

Therefore, wonderful and loving supporters don’t try to talk a suffering soul out of his/her trauma.  It is their journey to process it, to deal with the grief and horror of it, to move forward. Please don’t say to the suffering “you’ve got to stay positive… you’ve got to count your blessings….”  Do you think for a moment that we don’t know this, that we aren’t already doing this?  Trust me, we would be happy to have amnesia, wave a magic wand and make all the crap disappear.  Those words of support only make many of us feel guilty, weak, and ashamed to have these feelings. It’s absolutely exhausting to pretend we are great just because we survived.  Give your loved one the gift of a few minutes each day to just BE.  To understand and accept what we’ve been through.  Many of us choose to do this in private, in the quiet of our own thoughts and hearts. What we need from you is trust.  Trust we will get through what we need to get through. Trust that weeping and screaming are just a part of our wounded body and spirit’s healing process. Recognize that part of the trauma may always be a part of us, of our life experience.  Trust we will be OK. You don’t have to talk us through anything.  We just need you to be present, to listen, to hold our hand. Probst once said, “We do not receive wisdom, we discover wisdom within ourselves only after a journey that no one can take for us or with us.”

For all of us, remember we are stronger than we think. We grow braver through our challenges.  We become more compassionate, more grateful, again, not because of what we may have lost but because of what we have endured and learned.  It is good to be like that teapot, knowing we can let off steam when needed and the infusion of our tea tears become sweeter, more poignant.

And through our trauma, we do grow braver.

Thank you to all of our first responders, medical personnel, people keeping our grocery stores open and many others.  There aren’t enough words to express the difference you are making every day.

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

Several days ago, while watching the endless news about coronavirus I heard a newscaster say something that has stuck with me, “You can’t quarantine tears”. As I thought about this, even when trying to go to sleep and find some semblance of rest during these challenging times, the words kept playing over and over again in my head, “You can’t quarantine tears”. He was absolutely right, you can’t.  We can’t quarantine suffering either.  Never have and probably never will. We can’t quarantine fear.  Fear mainly of the unknown which is far greater than fear of the known.  Fear of the known we can see more clearly, put boundaries around, perhaps contain to some degree.  But fear of the unknown has an unlimited projectile.  It can go on in endless ways and directions.  Places that only our unlimited imagination can invent or conceive.

However, the more I thought about these words I realized if we can’t quarantine any of these frightening things, than certainly we can’t quarantine some of the more positive behaviors as well.  We can’t quarantine hope. We can’t quarantine kindness.  We can’t quarantine love. We can’t quarantine courage. And, just as important, we can’t quarantine joy. So often, we say to ourselves once this virus situation is over, I can go back to being happy, to being joyful. Yet, that is not how the world works. We must choose these behaviors just as we must choose to contain the scary ones. Practicing joy is an exercise in gratitude. Waking up each morning and seeing a beautiful sunrise. Being greeted by two overjoyed, four-legged children whose exuberance in seeing you almost drops you to the ground by their seventy pounds of pure energy. They emulate joyfulness at its fullest.  Getting a phone call or text from a family member or friend to remind us that someone is thinking about us each day is joy.  Seeing the first signs of spring – green sprouts of grass, daffodils, budding trees, these are all signs of hope, of new beginnings, of joy.

Just as it is true that we can’t quarantine all the horrible things that occur some days, we can’t quarantine the good either.  Yet, quarantining the good, the joy, the hope, the kindness… these take more effort and conscious thought. And just as there was a beginning of this coronavirus, there will eventually be an end. There will be a new beginning where people can gather without fear.  Where families and love ones can hug each other with even more joy and gratitude than ever before because we now don’t take for granted what was given to us each and every day.  This new beginning will offer us greater gratitude in our work, whatever it is, in being able to doing something, anything other than sitting at home, sometimes alone and scared. This new beginning will show us how much we took for granted in the past without ever noticing the gifts right in front of us.  As we go forward each day, remember not what we have lost – at least for the time being – but what we have always had and hopefully will have again. Remember to practice hope, kindness, courage, love, and compassion. And, remember, if we choose, we can’t quarantine any of these behaviors and we WON’T quarantine JOY.

By Janet J. Seahorn, PH.D

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

Guest Blog by John DiCiacco

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

Now that we’re well into the New Year, and thinking about moving forward into a year of fresh beginnings. Remembering and preserving old friendships, being aware and grateful for an abundance of goodness, people, health and purposeful work that occupy our days can offer a sense of optimism. Yet, most important, having a richness of love in our lives – love of family (yes, even those that sometimes drive us nuts), love (and loss) of endearing pets, love of neighbors and friends, and love of something within and above us that help to guide us through the darkness.

For some that light may be almost infinitesimal dim.  Bob Woodruff, a well-known journalist and author who suffered a devastating brain injury from an IED while covering the military in Iraq wrote in his book “In an Instant“, “First you must touch the black and then go back up to the light.” It was his way of “acknowledging that you have to let the fear in, but to dwell on the fear will only cripple you. You need to move back into a world of hope.”

There is no denying that 2017 was a year of great challenges and loss for many, and 2018 hasn’t been easier with the recent death of our beloved service dog, Bailey. Family members, treasured pets and very dear friends are no longer with us. Saying goodbye has never been easy even when we recognize that it is for the best (at least for that loved one).

However, we are trying hard to center on the plentiful blessings in our lives. The old saying, “It is just as easy to focus on being positive as it is to be negative”, every so often can seem like a big bowl of crap.  Advice to the reader – listening can be more important than trying to comfort an individual by making comments such as “Suffering builds character”.  I’ve never believed that old cliché.  I think suffering reveals character more than builds it. Sometimes, we simply need to allow ourselves and others to grieve, to be sad, and to nurture our physical and emotional selves.

Nonetheless, I still believe that life is worth the time to live fully and with resolve.  I still believe that most people are generous and decent.  I still believe that compassion trumps unkindness and hate generates more cruelty in a world already filled with too much bitterness.  I still believe that truth is more important than ever to counteract the deceit and false narratives of which others try to convince us. And, more than ever, I still believe in hope, for without hope it would be hard to wake up each morning with a sense of joyfulness.

Lastly, for our veterans, first responders and their families we wish you a year filled with peace, prosperity, and well-being.

You’ve sacrificed enough.

Daily count your blessings and know how precious those special moments can be.

Now it’s time to enjoy an exceptionally amazing New Year.

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