By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

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It is a week before Christmas. I absolutely love this time of year.  I love the bright lights and colorful ornaments.  I love the smells of fir trees and cookies baking in the oven.  I love the music reminding me of angels watching overhead, bright tomorrows and Silent Nights, and, for me, the coming of Christ. I love the taste of hot cider, pumpkin pie, and a multitude of holiday fare.  Most of all, I love sharing time with family and friends – the hugs of love ones, and even strangers.  Smiles, handshakes, a soft touch on a shoulder of a person who may just need to know that someone cares.

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Yet, with all the things I love about this season, every year I find myself feeling choked up with both gratitude and tears.  Gratitude for all the blessings I have been given and sadness for those who have so little.  Perhaps this is the melancholy holiday seasons generate.  Perhaps I see the Grinch in many faces, faces that may be suffering deeply from pain, loss, or simple loneliness.  Perhaps, more than any wish is one for peace.  A wish for true kindness and compassion.  A wish that brings all of us together, united in understanding and gentleness.

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There is so much divisiveness this year in our world – a division that is tearing us apart and not just in our communities, our country, but the world. Love and compassion is what we have been taught from childhood.  Let us not forget our early childhood lessons where we didn’t worry about what a person looked like, how much money they had, or what religion or political party they belonged.  As small children, I believe we carried in our hearts the spiritual memory of where we came from.

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Maybe this year, we can keep some tears from tumbling from our world’s eyes and hearts. Maybe this year we not only wish for peace on earth but emulate our prayers and wishes by doing what the Christmas song requests – Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin With Me. And maybe, when we have thoughts that aren’t aligned with this peace, perhaps we can change our thoughts and be more compassionate.  Maybe, when we look at that person in need and offer a smile, a cup of warm drink, or something to eat.

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And maybe, just maybe, even this one small act of kindness will generate a bigger sense of peace within ourselves, our communities, and our world. And maybe, just maybe, we will become closer to the model of that child born so long ago on that cold night with a bright star shining above his manger.

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Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwanza and blessing to all.

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Guest post by Lisa Drossert

The following was on one of our friend’s Facebook post. It is very thoughtful advice and may help some of you to get through the holiday season with better understanding of what is going on in some veterans’ mind. Thank you Lisa Drossart for sharing this information.

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If you have a Combat Veteran in your family and you don’t like their moods and behavior around the holidays; please consider these six things:

1.) Your combat veteran has served in countries where people are blessed to receive a tattered pair of shoes or have clean water to drink; he/she no longer lives the “first world illusion” and no longer cares that if you buy one play station you can get a second one for fifty percent off. In fact, they find it hard to appreciate any of the gluttonous commercialism and overindulgence that permeates American holidays. Standing watch, boring as it was, had so much more purpose than going to the mall.

2.) Your Combat Veteran is thankful for the most basic things; not thankful for mega-sales and million dollar parades. They are thankful to be alive; thankful to have survived both the wars far away and the wars they struggle with inside.

3.) Your Combat Veteran is thankful that it wasn’t them that got killed, or wishes that it was them that got killed instead, or is torn painfully between the two. Either way, their celebrations are forever complicated by guilt and loss over those that did not come home. Some of the most thankful times in their life (lucky to be alive) were some of the scariest. Their feelings of thanks and celebration often conjure memories that are equally painful.

4.) Your Combat Veteran is not like you anymore. At some point, for some period of time, their entire life boiled down to just three simple things: when will I eat today, when will I sleep today, and who will I have to kill or who will try to kill me today? They are not like you anymore.

5.) Your Combat Veteran does not need a guilt-trip or a lecture; they already feel detached in their grief while others so easily embrace the joy of the season. They need understanding and space; empathy not sympathy.

6.) Your Combat Veteran does love his/her family and is thankful for the many blessings in their life…and they are thankful for you.

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by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

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It’s that time of year when everyone is in a hurry and streets of our downtown area are filled with more shoppers than usual. The lights, ornaments, and sounds are festive and distracting to the eye.  Often times we never notice people as they pass us on the sidewalks especially if we are on our mind-sucking phones or looking over our Christmas list of “non-essential” material crap. This was somewhat the case for me yesterday.

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As I rounded a corner, however, I couldn’t help but notice a pair of homeless men – one was laying asleep, his back down on the cold sidewalk while the other sat awake asking for loose change with a cardboard sign reading “anything will help”. I’m not sure why this made me uncomfortable or imprinted on my less than holiday spirit.  After all I had only ventured to the downtown area to buy one last gift for a friend and desperately wanted my shopping to be over.

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As I went into a store close to them I tried not to look too closely at the pair and tried even harder not to think about them as I was moving through the aisles. But there was this damn nagging memory of a professor I knew when I was getting my doctorate in Santa Barbara many years ago. This professor’s focus was working with and studying the homeless. He even spent many nights on the street being “homeless” himself. The one thing he said I remember best was “when you are homeless you tend to be invisible. People try not to look at you, talk to you, or even offer a simple smile”. You feel more insubstantial than ever. Although he said some homeless like the lifestyle, the freedom, the vast majority are there not of their own choosing, but because of a mental health issue, poverty, poor early family support… the reasons were more numerous than I had first considered.

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Leaving the store (and not the one with the gift I was to purchase), I quickly glanced to see if the two were still in their spot. Of course they were. As I walked to my next destination I couldn’t get this professor’s words out of my head, or Jesus when he said “feed the hungry”. Dang it!!!! I ended up walking almost a block to find a place to buy some food to go when I spotted a favorite coffee shop. Going in I ordered three egg sandwiches and three hot coffees.  Why three, I’ll never know it just came out of my mouth. Also, I thought the sandwiches were already prepared and only needed to be heated in their micro. Yep, that would have been too easy. The young man began making them from scratch.  It took much longer than expected and the line behind his counter kept growing making me feel apologetic that my order was making his busy day even harder to manage while those in line became more restless to place their orders.

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Finally, I grabbed the bag of sandwiches and coffee, apologized to the young man and the people in line, left and walked quickly to deliver the package while the food and coffee were still hot. Hoping the two men were still at the corner I walked quickly to finish my mission. As I approached the one man was still sleeping. Giving the other man the food I couldn’t help but notice how he had many teeth missing and decayed. It was obvious he had not been to a dentist for decades. I, on the other hand, spend far too much time in the dentist’s chair. It is troublesome not to acknowledge how blessed I am, how many resources I have to keep me healthy and well fed. The proof of my blessed life was right before me, wishing me Merry Christmas. All I could think of was “there by the grace of God go I”.

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With sadness and humility I walked to my car totally forgetting the gift I had gone downtown to purchase. The real gift was the gratitude and sweetness of that man who sat just around the corner on that cold winter day while holiday shoppers passed by quickly not looking to see the special person sitting on the sidewalk underneath a Christmas light.

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Note – The next day on my daily calendar appeared the following:

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain”. Emily Dickinson

And, “Father, give me Your heart and use me to reach out to someone in need. To some, this season brings much loneliness and pain. Lead me to the ones who need to experience the joy of your companionship.”

Reach out and fill a need. Merry Christmas.

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WELCOME BACK!

by John DiCiacco – Guest Blog  (John is a veteran & brother who helps make a difference)

Jan & John

I can’t speak for every person who reads your blogs, but I can and will say this, I have missed not reading them.  The only thing that ever depressed me was the first paragraph in your latest blog.  You always come up with something that touches someone, whether it be thought provoking or light hearted.

Your words always mean something to someone. Blogs can and should present different topics and when folks consider one to be difficult to read, then they can choose not to read it. But don’t just complain to the author, because life isn’t always a bowl of cherries.

As we all know, you can’t be everything to everyone so don’t try. But please don’t stop writing your blogs. Take it from this Veteran, I have never read a single one of your blogs that made me feel depressed. You write about reality, especially meaningful to veterans and families who suffer from the wounds of war.

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I know that some times during any given month you have your own personal traumatic experiences that make life a little difficult and so you do your best to just survive. Just like the Veterans whom read your blogs.  When moments arrive that you can’t seem to come up with something to talk about, I can assure you that I do. Or have a Request Button on Note asking the readers if they have something that they would like to talk about through you.

Oh, by the way, your ticket into Heaven has already been secured. Your Ancestors and Guardian Spirits have made sure of that.

As you know, I spent two tours in the Nam and Holiday’s are still very hard for me. Too many Ghosts and way too much guilt for one man to carry.  The haunting reality for many Combat Veterans is the same unhealthy thought pattern we carry and wear on our chests like a sort of Medal.  That thought is this and I quote:  “Why in the hell am I here and not so and so”, or “I don’t have the right to celebrate or be happy when so many of my Brothers will never be here.”  Most Veteran’s never come right out and say these things but the thoughts are real and they and their fallen Comrades are there as well.

John at Vietnam Wall Memorial

Of course, in my efforts to be jolly I would have to self medicate and numb the pain just to get through the ordeal. Afterword the Guilt followed by the shame for drinking was much worse.

I don’t know how I got on all of this but I better stop.

You can blog me anytime you want.

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by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

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It has been several months since I wrote the last blog. Honestly, I chalk it up to lack of motivation and simply feeling I had little else to say that would be worth anyone taking the time to read. Some individuals even commented on how many of the past blogs were a bit depressing. No kidding! Many of these  individuals may have never had the combat experience or served in the military. It is difficult to understand something that has not been experienced. Humor at times can be difficult, especially during the holidays when you live with a person suffering with Post Trauma Stress. The experience is so not funny.

Yelling at those who don’t seem to appreciate or understand this type of suffering would definitely be something I’d have to mention in my next visit to church and confession.  Just hope it might be a different priest who won’t say something like…. “Well, seems like you haven’t made much progress in this area”.

At this point my entry into heaven would be further compromised. At the very least I would be on Santa’s naughty list.

So, why am I writing a new blog now?  Because it is Christmas.  My favorite holiday (along with Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day…).  Really, I love the smell of the season, the food, the lights in and outside of homes, carols, and the various displays around town. Unfortunately, as much as I love Christmas, I am reminded of how many of our veterans find this particular time of year a huge challenge. Christmas may be an unpleasant reminder of all that was lost – those who never returned home and those still serving in harm’s way far from home. Depression, anger, feeling alone and removed could be emotions that have to be dealt with once again. It is hard to be jolly or even be around those who are jolly when you are fighting to just keep your head above the waters of Merriment.

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Tonight Tony was talking on the phone with a friend and veteran who was facing another season of cheer and trying to simply get through it and keeping his emotions/temper in check. During the conversation Tony mentioned that it was this time of year when he was in Vietnam and severely wounded. He lost many of his men during a horrendous battle and later spent months in various military hospitals trying to heal from his injuries. All these decades later it is not the physical wounds that test him the most. It is the emotional aches that make the holiday season taxing. Instead of all the Ho, Ho, Ho,….. I know that certain days he wants to scream, No, No, No More!!!

For years I had no idea of what he faced or continued to face. My delight during this time of year only exacerbated his loss thus causing more than one argument. Now that we both know better, we finally do better. I try to be a bit calmer in front of him, and he tries to take better care of his emotional needs by having more quiet time, going on long walks or taking Bailey pheasant hunting. And both of us focus on counting our blessings.

 

We’ll be darned if we let the PTS Grinch steal Christmas ever again.

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Christmas Tree Glow

by Tony & Janet Seahorn

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
 
Following is a special Christmas message hosted by Tom Brokaw.
The video is certainly worth the pittance of time it takes to view.
 
Christmas from Heaven is the story of the humble beginnings of what became a beacon of hope to a war-torn land.

The story of Gail Halvorsen, a young pilot in the US Army Air Corps who was assigned as a cargo pilot to the Berlin Airlift, in which US forces flew much-needed supplies into a Soviet-blockaded Berlin.

On his missions, he dropped candy to children and became known as the Candy Bomber.

Blessing to All.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjz8yu5MWC0&feature=player_embedded
 
(Click on Full Screen  right bottom of video)
 
 
Christmas 2014

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

Chris 1 

“Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.”

Francis P. Church

            At this time of year it may be hard for many to believe in much of anything, not to mention a person named Santa Claus. Nevertheless, I still love the story of how the letter, “Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus” came to be.  It was written way back in 1897 by a man named Francis Church. Mr. Church was an editor of the Sun newspaper and when receiving a letter from a small girl by the name of Virginia O’Hanlon asking if there was a Santa Claus he wrote his now famous letter. You see, Virginia’s father told her if something appeared in the Sun it must be true. Golly, how times have changed. At any rate, I still find his response to the small Virginia a reminder how important it is to believe in the kinder, sweeter things in life. How miracles surround us every single day, but in our despair we may only be able to see the cruel, bitter, and oftentimes heartbreaking fragments of the moment. Perhaps reading Mr. Church’s famous letter might remind us all of what is really important during this holiday season. His words are as enduring now as they were way back in 1897.

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The answer as published in the New York Sun was:

Virginia, your little friends are wrong.
They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

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Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

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You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

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If you are finding yourself in the Grinch mode, read Virginia’s letter and think about whatever is good, precious, or beautiful in your life and choose to believe.

Chris 5

HO, HO, OH CRAP

Filed Under Christmas, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on HO, HO, OH CRAP

by Janet J. Seahorn

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It’s hard to believe that Christmas is only a few weeks away. The carols are blaring on many radio stations, decorations in stores have been up way before we killed the Thanksgiving turkey, and advertisement to buy what will put you in the poor house are everywhere making one ask after a purchase, “Why the ### did I buy that” and then “How in the ### will I pay for it”. If one isn’t careful, Christmas can increase PTSD and not just in military vets.

 

            When reading through a list of Post-Traumatic Stress indicators I got to reflecting on how many can be aggravated by the holidays. Therefore, instead of making a Christmas list for Santa, I thought it would be far more attention-grabbing to create a list of PTSD Christmas triggers.

 

  • 1. Easily startled – I couldn’t possibly cover all of these but a few could occur with all the bells tingling, unfriendly Santas, and way tooooo many loud people.

 

  • 2. Easily upset – for Tony a short trip to any shopping center quickly attains this mark.

 

  • 3. Feeling tense or anxious – do I really need to explain this one, really? $$$ worries, memories of unpleasant holidays during combat, too much outside stimulation that no one can control.

 

  • 4. Problems maintaining attention or concentrating – advertisers only need you to remain focused for thirty seconds… long enough to give them your credit card.

 

  • 5. Feeling disorganized – WHO DOESN’T at this time of year?

 

  • 6. Nightmares – and these may not be about combat. Think of the songs we hear that aren’t all that cheery like, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, any chipmunk song, and if I hear The Twelve Days of Christmas even once I will go bonkers!

 

  • 7. Experience sudden mood swings – Are you kidding; listen to a sad song, watch a funny commercial, open your bundle of bills… most of us are somewhat emotional challenged during this time of year and PTSD only makes it more FUN!

 

  • 8. Hard time dealing with stressful situations – everything is stressful and the only remedy is visit Mother Nature often, stay home and read a good book, or take a Rip Van Winkle nap until January 15th.

 

  • 9. Feeling tired, stomachaches, headaches, aches, aches, and more aches… – have you ever put up a 16 foot Christmas tree, put together some special present that takes an engineering degree to properly assemble, try to learn how to use your new piece of technology… my stomach is already beginning to cringe just writing this section.

 

Now that you are thoroughly depressed, here’s the good news. The Holiday Season can be a beautiful, inspiring time of year, yet only if we intentional focus our attention on what is important and worthwhile in our lives. Things like family, friends, good health, personal freedoms, loving relationships and adoring four legged companions. Many times if we focus on helping another being some of our worries and aches disappear for a bit and we experience the true meaning and joy of the coming days. So let us welcome back our Ho, Hos, and get rid of the CRAP. Happy, Happy, Happy Holidays to everyone.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS…

Filed Under Christmas, Family, Holiday Season, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS…

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

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            It is time to begin a new Holiday Season. Dang, some stores started playing their carols, displaying Christmas ornaments, and advertising the grandness of spending oneself into shopping debt even before Halloween! I truly expected someone dressed as a reindeer or elf to ring my doorbell for trick or treat. 

            Now, don’t get me wrong I love Christmas. Really! It is my favorite holiday. Almost everything about it is a special time filled with amazing sights, fragrant smells of evergreen trees, bells, carols, and my list goes on and on. I even enjoy buying a few gifts for family and friends, and I make sure that Tony NEVER accompanies me on these shopping excursions. The Grinch is one of his Christmas heroes which, as you can imagine, puts a huge damper on my jolly shopping expeditions.

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            Therefore, as we begin this new 2011 Holiday Season, I thought I would put down a few ideas of how to survive the coming days.

  1. Begin your new Weight Watchers diet. Watch others eat less and lose while you wait and enjoy every morsel of goodies you can grab.  As military veterans, you had far too many C-Rations or MREs to endure food rations now.
  2. Don’t start off on the wrong foot at Thanksgiving, give away leftover turkey and celery to guests, but keep the pumpkin pie at all cost.
  3. If you have to ask for seconds, you are already sitting at the wrong table.
  4. If you are the wife of an anti-shopping Grinch, pray for them daily. We’re still a month until Christmas. You can even offer to share your Prozac if they become overly anxious during this joyous (hectic) time of year.
  5. If you are the Grinch, breath deep, meditate, and appreciate that the Holiday season only comes once a year, even if it seems to be coming earlier each year.
  6. And, last, if you are worried about excessive shopping and overspending, the banks don’t seem to care if anyone follows a budget anymore, so I’m sure they will extend your credit for say, the next thirty years.

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Seriously, I definitely understand the challenges of trying to negotiate the many pitfalls and stimulations of the Holidays and not just for veterans. For many, it is never an easy time of year, which is the reason why I decided to begin this season’s blog with a bit of humor. Some of us are going to need to store up as much hilarity as possible if we are to survive the absurdity ahead.

You see, I am really, really, really trying to stay on Santa’s “Nice” list.

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SIMPLE BLESSING

Filed Under American Patriotism, Christmas, Giving, Joy Challenge, Life, Love, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on SIMPLE BLESSING

by Janet & Tony Seahorn

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          It is almost Christmas, a few days left until we celebrate the special event that people around the world have been doing for centuries. Some of us know this occasion as the birth of Jesus. Some call it the “thank goodness the shopping is over season”. And some simply hope the day passes as quickly as possible, overwhelmed by the season of consumerism.

 

            Weeks ago we put out to our readers an opportunity to do something for themselves and others. To do something that would calm the spirit, or an act that would make a difference for someone else. We promised to share a few comments from our readers.  I learned something from this experience. Veterans fight courageously, suffer silently, and strive for goodness every day. Here are a few we received.

 

            One veteran’s wife wrote that her husband’s close friend had suffered a serious accident and has been in a coma in the ICU burn unit since mid November. Her husband and several other Vietnam Vets have taken turns twice a week spending the night at the hospital to relieve the wife and family. They watch as their friend “continues to fight ‘awareness’, flailing arms, legs, head, and not opening eyes or focusing. We can only imagine what is going on inside his head, the thoughts, flashbacks of Nam, the unwillingness to come to”, she recounts. Their involvedness has caused her husband and the others to have their own ghosts emerge – burn centers and trauma is a trigger to their days in Nam. Now they also take time to reflect on their blessing.

 

            My brother John wrote: Let us start that list with our name at the top because if one cannot make themselves happy first, then how can we make anyone else happy.  Second on the list has to be my best friend and companion Wyatt, my lab retriever. A prayer John uses every morning is “GOD HELP ME WALK WORTHILY THIS DAY SO THAT WHEN I LIE DOWN AT NIGHT I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED”.  Then I thank HIM every night for everything that happened that day.

 

            Others discussed how they had written a letter to a family member. Some of the letters were sent to tell a particular person how much his/her presence in life has meant. How by simply being present provided a sense of belonging and safety. Others wrote to ask for another chance, a chance for redemption, a chance to help the estranged person understand the long and difficult journey the writer has endured. Perhaps, after years of alienation, there will be forgiveness, compassion, and a better understanding of each individual’s existence. Possibly a miracle may happen and relationships may begin to heal. At any rate, it is more important that the effort was made. 

 

            The last one we will share tells of how a veteran and his wife were in a grocery store when they noticed two nuns shopping. The nuns would pick up an article, look at the price tag, then put it back on the shelf. Obviously, he writes, they could not afford much. As the man was checking out, he kept his eyes on the nuns. When their bill came up, he walked over and told the cashier he was paying for their items. Needless to say, the ladies were both surprised and quite grateful. He is now a part of their prayers.  What was most important, he writes,
“At the end of the day I took the challenge and went out with my wife and helped somebody.

 Taking the initiative to help others made me feel good about myself”.

           

           Thank you again for sharing your stories. We hope that your season has been healthier and happier. We know for certain each of you reading this Christmas message has made a difference for others. You are simply a blessing for many, and you deserve an abundance of Simple Blessings.

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