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By Janet J. Seahorn Ph.D.

It is the day after January 6, 2021 and I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried.  The thoughts and experiences of this past year and then yesterday were way too vivid.  Even though my family is in good health, the grief and turmoil that so many others have faced and continue to endure can be overwhelming. As a former teacher I worry greatly about all the children in our world and the adult issues they are facing only with the understanding of a young mind. It reminded me of the Christmas letter Virginia O’Hanlon wrote to The New York City Sun, a well read newspaper in 1897.  This is my version as a result of a lack of sleep.

 

Dear Country,

I am an eight year old girl. Some of my friends say there is no longer a United States of America. They say that people are too divided and that we will never come together or agree on anything again. Since my parents state I can no longer rely on some newspapers or television people to tell me the truth I am asking that someone in our country, perhaps even our Supreme Court justices can give me an honest answer.

Yours truly, Virginia

Dear Virginia,

Your friends and even many adults are wrong.  “They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical era.”  They refuse to believe in truth, decency, and goodness even though they know in their hearts what is real or what is false. For some reason, Virginia, you and many of your friends are so much better at deciding truth and accepting each other for who you are rather than how much money you may have, what religion you belong to, or what political ideologies your parents adhere.  Children don’t really care about these things as much as they care about kindness, compassion, and puppies. Many adults have lost their ability to ask questions, to seek what is genuine, to be brave in the challenge of uncertainty, and to trust in hope over fear.  Most children are very smart at questioning everything, being brave, and trusting in things unseen like unicorns and angels.

Yes, Virginia, there is a United States of America. “It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.” How discouraging and dangerous our world would be without a United United States of America. There would be no beacon of hope for other people in nations and countries without a strong democracy. There would be no faith that there exists in this world people and nations who value truth, integrity and acceptance of others and who believe all men and women are indeed created equal.

Not to believe in a United States of America would be giving up on peace, light and joy only to have us live in a world filled with hatred, doubt, and darkness.  Not to believe in a United States of America would be to give up trying to understand others, only focus on the act of getting instead of giving. How sad it would be to stop forgiving and only hold on to bitterness. Not to believe in a United States of America would be to forget and dishonor the immense sacrifice so many men, women and families have given over countless wars so that we can be a country that honors the freedom to vote, the freedom to choose our leaders, and the freedom to honor our sacred commitment to equality.

Dear Virginia, in this world there is no greater gift than that of Freedom. No United United States of America would make sure we are no longer a truly great and strong country. No United States of America tells our enemies that we no longer care or stand for the ideals that our forefathers created in our Constitution. Most of all, no United States of America is totally unbearable because our country must always survive in order to ensure the best and most resilient life for you and your friends.

GOD bless you, Virginia, and GOD bless America.

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

It is a week before Christmas. I absolutely love this time of year.  I love the bright lights and colorful ornaments.  I love the smells of fir trees and cookies baking in the oven.  I love the music reminding me of angels watching overhead, bright tomorrows and Silent Nights, and, for me, the coming of Christ. I love the taste of hot cider, pumpkin pie, and a multitude of holiday fare.  Most of all, I love sharing time with family and friends – the hugs of love ones, and even strangers.  Smiles, handshakes, a soft touch on a shoulder of a person who may just need to know that someone cares.

Yet, with all the things I love about this season, every year I find myself feeling choked up with both gratitude and tears.  Gratitude for all the blessings I have been given and sadness for those who have so little.  Perhaps this is the melancholy holiday seasons generate.  Perhaps I see the Grinch in many faces, faces that may be suffering deeply from pain, loss, or simple loneliness.  Perhaps, more than any wish is one for peace.  A wish for true kindness and compassion.  A wish that brings all of us together, united in understanding and gentleness.

There is so much divisiveness this year in our world – a division that is tearing us apart and not just in our communities, our country, but the world. Love and compassion is what we have been taught from childhood.  Let us not forget our early childhood lessons where we didn’t worry about what a person looked like, how much money they had, or what religion or political party they belonged.  As small children, I believe we carried in our hearts the spiritual memory of where we came from.

Maybe this year, we can keep some tears from tumbling from our world’s eyes and hearts. Maybe this year we not only wish for peace on earth but emulate our prayers and wishes by doing what the Christmas song requests – Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin With Me. And maybe, when we have thoughts that aren’t aligned with this peace, perhaps we can change our thoughts and be more compassionate.  Maybe, when we look at that person in need and offer a smile, a cup of warm drink, or something to eat.

And maybe, just maybe, even this one small act of kindness will generate a bigger sense of peace within ourselves, our communities, and our world. And maybe, just maybe, we will become closer to the model of that child born so long ago on that cold night with a bright star shining above his manger.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwanza and blessing to all.

Guest post by Lisa Drossert

The following was on one of our friend’s Facebook post. It is very thoughtful advice and may help some of you to get through the holiday season with better understanding of what is going on in some veterans’ mind. Thank you Lisa Drossart for sharing this information.

If you have a Combat Veteran in your family and you don’t like their moods and behavior around the holidays; please consider these six things:

1.) Your combat veteran has served in countries where people are blessed to receive a tattered pair of shoes or have clean water to drink; he/she no longer lives the “first world illusion” and no longer cares that if you buy one play station you can get a second one for fifty percent off. In fact, they find it hard to appreciate any of the gluttonous commercialism and overindulgence that permeates American holidays. Standing watch, boring as it was, had so much more purpose than going to the mall.

2.) Your Combat Veteran is thankful for the most basic things; not thankful for mega-sales and million dollar parades. They are thankful to be alive; thankful to have survived both the wars far away and the wars they struggle with inside.

3.) Your Combat Veteran is thankful that it wasn’t them that got killed, or wishes that it was them that got killed instead, or is torn painfully between the two. Either way, their celebrations are forever complicated by guilt and loss over those that did not come home. Some of the most thankful times in their life (lucky to be alive) were some of the scariest. Their feelings of thanks and celebration often conjure memories that are equally painful.

4.) Your Combat Veteran is not like you anymore. At some point, for some period of time, their entire life boiled down to just three simple things: when will I eat today, when will I sleep today, and who will I have to kill or who will try to kill me today? They are not like you anymore.

5.) Your Combat Veteran does not need a guilt-trip or a lecture; they already feel detached in their grief while others so easily embrace the joy of the season. They need understanding and space; empathy not sympathy.

6.) Your Combat Veteran does love his/her family and is thankful for the many blessings in their life…and they are thankful for you.

 

 

by guest writer, Terry Creekmore

Reposted by popular request.

-Tony & Janet Seahorn

A Poem about Cleatus Lebow,  a World War II survivor of the U.S.S Indianapolis.

Written by Terry Creekmore, Tsgt (E-6)  Wyoming Air National Guard.

 

The old man shuffled through a gas station in the flat north Texas land.
Unremarkable but for the hat he wore as I paused and shook his hand.
USS Indianapolis the hat said on its brim.
I’d read the books and heard the tales as I stared in awe at him.

Cleatus Lebow was 87 years old when I shook his hand that day
But his life was defined by a mere four days and the memories were there to stay

Four days that few remember

Four days he could not forget

Four days that haunt the nightly dreams of those survivors who live with regret

~ Heroes walk among us still today and their stories need to be told ~

Normandy, Bastone, the Canal and Iwo will make your blood run cold
Few remember and fewer still care about those events so long ago
But few have endured the terror and pain of the hero Cleatus Lebow

The Indy was a proud ship that now only sails in lore
She delivered the bomb to Tinian and helped end the greatest war
It only took twelve minutes for her to sink beneath the waves
Nine hundred men in the water but only 300 would be saved
The heat the cold the thirst the sharks all took a terrible toll
The men who survived would forever be seared to the marrow of their soul

~ Heroes walk among us still today and their stories need to be told ~

Pusan, Inchon and the Chosin Few

Battling in that terrible cold

So many heroes of that forgotten war are quietly growing old
Yet their sacrifice and bravery have never been extolled
Few remember and fewer still care about those events so long ago
But few have endured the terror and pain of the hero Cleatus Lebow

The navy needed a scapegoat so they court-martialed Captain McVay
The justness of the verdict is still argued to this day
The letters and the guilt and the ridicule made the holidays particularly strained
So in the fall of 1968 he put a bullet through his brain
Another victim of those terrible days
When the sea and the sharks made a living hell and sanity lost its way

~ Heroes walk among us still today and their stories need to be told ~

Route Pack six, Ia Drang and Khe Sanh but the nation was so cold
There are just some things you can’t apologize for and this is certainly one
The spitting the jeers the taunting the tears they just can’t be undone

Now they are old. Most of them gone. Only thirty-six survive
Those four days are history now and only our memories keep them alive
We can never repay the debt we owe as that generation fades away
All we can do is to keep the faith and from that we will never stray

~ Heroes walk among us still today and their stories need to be told ~

Firefighters, Fallujah and Seal Team Six
the bravery never gets old

The torch has been passed and now this generation is writing its own history
Honor and tradition can still to be found in the deserts and the mountains and the sea
But they have big shoes to fill because the Indy is forever on patrol
Crewed by the souls of 900 sailors on a mission beyond their control

Few remember and fewer still care about those events so long ago

But all of us owe our freedom to heroes like Cleatus Lebow

Guest Blog by John DiCiacco

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

Now that we’re well into the New Year, and thinking about moving forward into a year of fresh beginnings. Remembering and preserving old friendships, being aware and grateful for an abundance of goodness, people, health and purposeful work that occupy our days can offer a sense of optimism. Yet, most important, having a richness of love in our lives – love of family (yes, even those that sometimes drive us nuts), love (and loss) of endearing pets, love of neighbors and friends, and love of something within and above us that help to guide us through the darkness.

For some that light may be almost infinitesimal dim.  Bob Woodruff, a well-known journalist and author who suffered a devastating brain injury from an IED while covering the military in Iraq wrote in his book “In an Instant“, “First you must touch the black and then go back up to the light.” It was his way of “acknowledging that you have to let the fear in, but to dwell on the fear will only cripple you. You need to move back into a world of hope.”

 

There is no denying that 2017 was a year of great challenges and loss for many, and 2018 hasn’t been easier with the recent death of our beloved service dog, Bailey. Family members, treasured pets and very dear friends are no longer with us. Saying goodbye has never been easy even when we recognize that it is for the best (at least for that loved one).

However, we are trying hard to center on the plentiful blessings in our lives. The old saying, “It is just as easy to focus on being positive as it is to be negative”, every so often can seem like a big bowl of crap.  Advice to the reader – listening can be more important than trying to comfort an individual by making comments such as “Suffering builds character”.  I’ve never believed that old cliché.  I think suffering reveals character more than builds it. Sometimes, we simply need to allow ourselves and others to grieve, to be sad, and to nurture our physical and emotional selves.

Nonetheless, I still believe that life is worth the time to live fully and with resolve.  I still believe that most people are generous and decent.  I still believe that compassion trumps unkindness and hate generates more cruelty in a world already filled with too much bitterness.  I still believe that truth is more important than ever to counteract the deceit and false narratives of which others try to convince us. And, more than ever, I still believe in hope, for without hope it would be hard to wake up each morning with a sense of joyfulness.

 

Lastly, for our veterans, first responders and their families we wish you a year filled with peace, prosperity, and well-being.

You’ve sacrificed enough.

 

Daily count your blessings and know how precious those special moments can be.

Now it’s time to enjoy an exceptionally amazing New Year.

 

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

HUNTER BAILEY of FARGO

11/29/2006 – 02/23/2018

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

It is easy to see what courage looks like.  We observe it in the acts of those who, in spite of intense danger or inconceivable suffering, or endless determination, an individual continues to live on. To move forward.  We see it in the movies where it makes us feel safe and in control in events we know we may never survive.

But what does courage sound like? Does it reveal itself in words, in songs, in other types of media?  Perhaps real courage sounds like Silence.  The silence of grief that cannot be expressed in words.  The silence of a heart being shattered.  The silence of hidden tears and silent screams.

And what does courage feel like?  It may be different for every person, yet, individually it contains some singular similarities. Our feelings, much like hearing, is silent beyond ourselves.  Emotions, an element of feelings, come at anytime, day or night.  It cannot be quantified, perhaps because we may not be able to find a beginning or end in its infinitesimal existence.  You see, feelings go beyond emotions. They are deeper, often jumbled together with anger, love, gratitude and sadness.  We feel what we feel.  Attempting to put feelings into words can be exhausting, exasperating, and mostly ineffective.

Courage, like feelings and hearing is also Silent. It is very much present. There is both a sweetness and bitterness in courage. The sweetness of living through a reality that many may never experience.  The bitterness resulting from that very same experience.  It is not about the “why me”, “how come”, or “what ifs” of suffering. Simply having the courage to accept the experience for what it is— an experience that changes a person from the before to the now – and beyond.

We spend too much time trying to define/identify courage. Most results are superficial at best.  For if, as I believe, courage is found only in the Silence… the empty spaces between the noise and what is seen, heard, and felt.  We often miss or mistakenly identify courage.  Its potential seed lives in most of us, yet, it can only be germinated when or if the time presents itself.  For some of you reading this piece may think, “What the heck is she rambling about?”  For others, those who have lived the courage, you may only nod your head and silently say “true”.

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

It has been several months since I wrote the last blog. Honestly, I chalk it up to lack of motivation and simply feeling I had little else to say that would be worth anyone taking the time to read. Some individuals even commented on how many of the past blogs were a bit depressing. No kidding! Many of these  individuals may have never had the combat experience or served in the military. It is difficult to understand something that has not been experienced. Humor at times can be difficult, especially during the holidays when you live with a person suffering with Post Trauma Stress. The experience is so not funny.

Yelling at those who don’t seem to appreciate or understand this type of suffering would definitely be something I’d have to mention in my next visit to church and confession.  Just hope it might be a different priest who won’t say something like…. “Well, seems like you haven’t made much progress in this area”.

At this point my entry into heaven would be further compromised. At the very least I would be on Santa’s naughty list.

So, why am I writing a new blog now?  Because it is Christmas.  My favorite holiday (along with Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day…).  Really, I love the smell of the season, the food, the lights in and outside of homes, carols, and the various displays around town. Unfortunately, as much as I love Christmas, I am reminded of how many of our veterans find this particular time of year a huge challenge. Christmas may be an unpleasant reminder of all that was lost – those who never returned home and those still serving in harm’s way far from home. Depression, anger, feeling alone and removed could be emotions that have to be dealt with once again. It is hard to be jolly or even be around those who are jolly when you are fighting to just keep your head above the waters of Merriment.

Tonight Tony was talking on the phone with a friend and veteran who was facing another season of cheer and trying to simply get through it and keeping his emotions/temper in check. During the conversation Tony mentioned that it was this time of year when he was in Vietnam and severely wounded. He lost many of his men during a horrendous battle and later spent months in various military hospitals trying to heal from his injuries. All these decades later it is not the physical wounds that test him the most. It is the emotional aches that make the holiday season taxing. Instead of all the Ho, Ho, Ho,….. I know that certain days he wants to scream, No, No, No More!!!

For years I had no idea of what he faced or continued to face. My delight during this time of year only exacerbated his loss thus causing more than one argument. Now that we both know better, we finally do better. I try to be a bit calmer in front of him, and he tries to take better care of his emotional needs by having more quiet time, going on long walks or taking Bailey pheasant hunting. And both of us focus on counting our blessings.

 

We’ll be darned if we let the PTS Grinch steal Christmas ever again.

 

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