Mar

31

YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE JOY

Filed Under Coronavirus, COVID-19, Grace, Grateful, Gratitude, Happiness, Healing, Hope, Joy Challenge, Love, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Tears of Joy | Comments Off on YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE JOY

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

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Several days ago, while watching the endless news about coronavirus I heard a newscaster say something that has stuck with me, “You can’t quarantine tears”. As I thought about this, even when trying to go to sleep and find some semblance of rest during these challenging times, the words kept playing over and over again in my head, “You can’t quarantine tears”. He was absolutely right, you can’t.  We can’t quarantine suffering either.  Never have and probably never will. We can’t quarantine fear.  Fear mainly of the unknown which is far greater than fear of the known.  Fear of the known we can see more clearly, put boundaries around, perhaps contain to some degree.  But fear of the unknown has an unlimited projectile.  It can go on in endless ways and directions.  Places that only our unlimited imagination can invent or conceive.

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However, the more I thought about these words I realized if we can’t quarantine any of these frightening things, than certainly we can’t quarantine some of the more positive behaviors as well.  We can’t quarantine hope. We can’t quarantine kindness.  We can’t quarantine love. We can’t quarantine courage. And, just as important, we can’t quarantine joy. So often, we say to ourselves once this virus situation is over, I can go back to being happy, to being joyful. Yet, that is not how the world works. We must choose these behaviors just as we must choose to contain the scary ones. Practicing joy is an exercise in gratitude. Waking up each morning and seeing a beautiful sunrise. Being greeted by two overjoyed, four-legged children whose exuberance in seeing you almost drops you to the ground by their seventy pounds of pure energy. They emulate joyfulness at its fullest.  Getting a phone call or text from a family member or friend to remind us that someone is thinking about us each day is joy.  Seeing the first signs of spring – green sprouts of grass, daffodils, budding trees, these are all signs of hope, of new beginnings, of joy.

Mar. 27: Proper social distancing at twilight overlooking Rosslyn (Staff Photo by Jay Westcott)

Just as it is true that we can’t quarantine all the horrible things that occur some days, we can’t quarantine the good either.  Yet, quarantining the good, the joy, the hope, the kindness… these take more effort and conscious thought. And just as there was a beginning of this coronavirus, there will eventually be an end. There will be a new beginning where people can gather without fear.  Where families and love ones can hug each other with even more joy and gratitude than ever before because we now don’t take for granted what was given to us each and every day.  This new beginning will offer us greater gratitude in our work, whatever it is, in being able to doing something, anything other than sitting at home, sometimes alone and scared. This new beginning will show us how much we took for granted in the past without ever noticing the gifts right in front of us.  As we go forward each day, remember not what we have lost – at least for the time being – but what we have always had and hopefully will have again. Remember to practice hope, kindness, courage, love, and compassion. And, remember, if we choose, we can’t quarantine any of these behaviors and we WON’T quarantine JOY.

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Dec

18

Tears and Blessings

Filed Under American Patriotism, Bless Our Troops, Blessings, Christmas, Grace, Grateful, Gratitude, Holiday Season, Homeless, Human Rights, Military, Peace, PTSD, Tears, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on Tears and Blessings

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D.

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It is a week before Christmas. I absolutely love this time of year.  I love the bright lights and colorful ornaments.  I love the smells of fir trees and cookies baking in the oven.  I love the music reminding me of angels watching overhead, bright tomorrows and Silent Nights, and, for me, the coming of Christ. I love the taste of hot cider, pumpkin pie, and a multitude of holiday fare.  Most of all, I love sharing time with family and friends – the hugs of love ones, and even strangers.  Smiles, handshakes, a soft touch on a shoulder of a person who may just need to know that someone cares.

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Yet, with all the things I love about this season, every year I find myself feeling choked up with both gratitude and tears.  Gratitude for all the blessings I have been given and sadness for those who have so little.  Perhaps this is the melancholy holiday seasons generate.  Perhaps I see the Grinch in many faces, faces that may be suffering deeply from pain, loss, or simple loneliness.  Perhaps, more than any wish is one for peace.  A wish for true kindness and compassion.  A wish that brings all of us together, united in understanding and gentleness.

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There is so much divisiveness this year in our world – a division that is tearing us apart and not just in our communities, our country, but the world. Love and compassion is what we have been taught from childhood.  Let us not forget our early childhood lessons where we didn’t worry about what a person looked like, how much money they had, or what religion or political party they belonged.  As small children, I believe we carried in our hearts the spiritual memory of where we came from.

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Maybe this year, we can keep some tears from tumbling from our world’s eyes and hearts. Maybe this year we not only wish for peace on earth but emulate our prayers and wishes by doing what the Christmas song requests – Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin With Me. And maybe, when we have thoughts that aren’t aligned with this peace, perhaps we can change our thoughts and be more compassionate.  Maybe, when we look at that person in need and offer a smile, a cup of warm drink, or something to eat.

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And maybe, just maybe, even this one small act of kindness will generate a bigger sense of peace within ourselves, our communities, and our world. And maybe, just maybe, we will become closer to the model of that child born so long ago on that cold night with a bright star shining above his manger.

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Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwanza and blessing to all.

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Aug

25

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

Filed Under Happiness, Peace, Tears of a Warrior, War | Comments Off on CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

By Janet J. Seahorn, PH.D
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It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. Grief pretty much stole my motivation and ability to be creative. I’ve kept busy doing the mundane every day chores of cooking, cleaning, shopping and every once in a while going to the movies. Movies these days don’t require one to do much thinking. You only need to sit in front of the big screen and vegetate on what’s in front of you while eating massive doses of whatever fits your appetite. However, this afternoon was different. I went to see the children’s film, Christopher Robin. It began with a young boy’s early years of innocence and freedom. Once grown, Christopher experienced the horrors of war. Gone were the simplicity and innocence of youth, replaced with the reality of life, responsibility, and stress.
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The film and its characters are really a metaphor of life and our many personalities. Eeyore represents depression and gloom – an inability to see joy or hope in any situation. Although he is pretty adorable, being Eeyore all day can be exhausting. Piglet is our fear and anxiety side. The world holds many scary dilemmas and facing them can be terrifying. Having others around us to hold our hand and support us through our fears is the gift Piglet shows us.
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Tigger is our joyful side giving us balance and impulsive curiosity to seek new adventures. He is spontaneous and delighted to experience every new adventure, yet, we can’t live all of daily life as a Tigger. As enticing as that appears, it can also be exhausting. And, then there is Winne the Pooh – sweet, thoughtful, loyal, and unwavering in his hope for the day, the moment. When we forget our “Pooh”, we lose our hope and our faith to face the day. We forget that staying in the present moment may be exactly where we need to live. The yesterdays and tomorrows are simply too much to absorb and maintain our sanity.
Embracing all of our special characters helps us to be a fully functioning and loving Christopher Robin. A Christopher Robin that finally realizes the most important things in his life aren’t work and responsibility. The most important things in life are family, friends, and taking time to explore and appreciate all of the wonderful, even challenging experiences that are available at each moment.
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P.S. – stay tuned to our next blog. Even Eeyore would be happy – at least for a moment.

Mar

28

Missing Bailey

Filed Under Bailey, Dog is God, Dogs, Family, Happiness, Heroes, Hope, Joy Challenge, Life, Love, Pets, PTSD, Service Dogs, Tears, Tears of a Warrior, Tears of Joy, Veterans, War Dogs, Wounded Veterans, Wounded Warriors | Comments Off on Missing Bailey

By Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

 

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Loss presents a unique and somewhat ambiguous dilemma for humans. Those left behind
are confronted with a stream of untapped emotions. Life lingers between two spaces – the space
of the past when everything was normal, and the space that floats somewhere between what was then
and what is now. The present doesn’t feel like the present because we don’t want to accept the
reality of what has been lost and what will be our daily routine as we struggle to get through the
minutes of each day. It’s like being stuck in quicksand; you continually struggle to find footing,
while being surrounded by uncontrollable emotions.
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Your heart and mind are trapped. Facing the circumstances of the loss is agonizing, yet
you understand that staying in such a dark place will not honor the love and life of your beloved
4-legged family member nor is it healthy for the sufferer.
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Rest for the moment is unattainable. Sleep comes with too many dreams that are both happy and sorrowful.
Laughter, joy, even hunger stands frozen.
Moving forward isn’t yet attainable. However, we know eventually we can travel beyond the
yesterdays and focus on the tomorrows.

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Right now we don’t know how to do that. Still we are hopeful we will get there sooner or
later. Remaining stuck is not an option. It is too sad, too tumultuous. Most of all staying in such
deep grief does not nor will not allow us to celebrate and honor the amazing gift we were given
through Bailey.
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He was our “Joy Boy”. He would want us to wake each morning with delight and be grateful for all that stands before us.

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He would want us to continue to love, to celebrate the moment of throwing a bright green tennis ball or plunge into the lake for a marvelous swim.
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He would want us to be fully alive enjoying the wonders of each day especially remembering the wet kisses of his long, sticky tongue.
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He would want us to be his “joy” parents.
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We promise we will get to that point, Bailey. Just not today.
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Love,
Mom and Dad

Mar

26

Healing From The Wounds Of War

Filed Under Black Lions, Combat PTSD, Courage, Healing, Military, Pain, Peace, Return To Vietnam, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Veterans, Vietnam Today, War | Comments Off on Healing From The Wounds Of War

Two Quotes from Rumi:

(Rumi was a 13th-century poet of immense talent. His work highlights the power of literature in its ability to transcend time, language and geographic locations)

 

1)  Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

 

2) The wound is the place where the light enters you.

 

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Jan

8

Another New Year

Filed Under Happy New Year, Healing, Tears of a Warrior | Comments Off on Another New Year

Janet Wyo 2016by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

It is January 2016 – another New Year. Where I live in Colorado and Wyoming the ground is covered by a layer of fresh snow. The brilliant white blankets the landscape with cleanness, somewhat like an artist’s blank pallet before she begins to paint. The idea that I can begin this year with a clean slate – that I can create whatever I choose brings a sense of hope and optimism for the coming year.

Interesting, my morning meditation topic was “I make a difference”. What a perfect goal for this new year that every day I have the opportunity to make a difference however large or small. Perhaps it is simply a smile to a stranger, a phone call to a friend, a quiet prayer for someone in need. Perhaps it is picking up one piece of trash on a sidewalk, shoveling a neighbor’s sidewalk or bringing a meal to someone who can’t get out to a grocery store.

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There are countless ways I can make a difference. The important issue is not to merely THINK about doing a good deed. The essential action is to DO IT! The thought is nice but the ACT is necessary. If I was into tattoos – I’m not…. I hate needles – I would engrave on my wrist the following words, “I can and choose to make a difference”.

Happy New Year – make each day forward count.

Happy New Year

 

Feb

18

AGAINST ALL ODDS

Filed Under Combat PTSD, Healing, Hope, Life, PTSD treatment, Tears of a Warrior, Treating PTSD | Comments Off on AGAINST ALL ODDS

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

 

PREFACE

            For too many individuals, there may often be days when one feels he/she cannot continue to withstand the struggle and obstacles of the many agonies of the past. The feelings can be overwhelming and consume our minds and bodies with darkness. It is at this time when a favorite, inspirational quote or a poem of encouragement may help us get through a really bad day.  It is for this reason, I wrote the poem, Against All Odds. If we believe we can, hopefully, we can. And surely as there is day and night, sunshine and rain, joy and sadness, if we believe we can’t, then we won’t.

 

AGAINST ALL ODDS

Janet J. Seahorn

 

Against All Odds I will survive.

Courage and grit will be my guides.

Against All Odds the demons within

May sometimes grow but never win.

 

Against All Odds I will find joy

Hate and chaos I will avoid.

Against All Odds I’ll fight my fears

And not be afraid of cleansing tears.

 

Against All Odds I’ll endure my pain

Knowing that rainbows come after a rain.

Against All Odds I shall be kind

Even if anger sways my mind.

 

Against All Odds I’ll choose to believe

That peace and happiness I can receive.

For this I know without a doubt

Against All Odds I will win out.

 

You not only can, but will do what needs to be done to be healed, to be whole, to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit…Against All Odds.

Apr

24

LIVING INSIDE OURSELVES

Filed Under Combat PTSD, Life, Peace, PTSD, Tears of a Warrior, Trauma, Treating PTSD, Veterans | Comments Off on LIVING INSIDE OURSELVES

by Janet J. Seahorn, Ph.D

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We reside within our own wondrous environment, within ourselves, and wander about the internal hills and valleys everyday. If we are lucky and have lived a full life, the landscape of our inner country is filled with incredible diversity.

Mountains and valleys only have depth based on the extent of our experiences. The brilliant hues of colors cannot be painted on an empty canvas. Nope, such vividness is achieved through a great many life events: joy, grief, humility, arrogance, chaos, serenity… all mixed throughout the years.

Yet, through all our trials and triumphs, with a bit of luck, our inner artist refuses to put down the paintbrush. Each day offers elements to add to the internal country; an element that increases the vastness of the spirit. Within ourselves we wander with purpose and courage. Trauma takes a toll which only hope can overcome.

We become our best selves not because we lived a safe, comfortable life, but because we have fully lived. There is a huge difference between a life of ease and one of worth. The first took little effort; the latter required a deep sense of duty, sacrifice, relentless perseverance, and sometimes tears. All of these make a life of worth a special gift to the world. A gift that lives far beyond our short existence.

Which life have your lived so far. Which life are you living now? What would your canvas look like? Certainly, like any remarkable work of art, it would have its dark contrasts; yet, I hope it would also contain sweeps of light, touches of brilliant colors, and areas of tender hues which embrace a sense of peace and serenity.

Aug

5

PTSD + JOY = PEACE… May be

Filed Under Treating PTSD | Comments Off on PTSD + JOY = PEACE… May be

2405388040062930279vmvhfv_thSome of you may have read the title to this blog and thought, “Oh right. You must be kidding!” Actually, I’m pretty serious about the components of the title: PTSD + Joy = Peace… May be. 

Putting these three words together – PTSD, Joy, and Peace – may be the only real solution to living life after trauma. It is what all of the therapists and therapies strive to achieve. Yet, I’m not sure that we think of them optimistically in the same sentence. However, the three are intricately linked by both the challenging and hallowed events of the trauma. 

Despite the incredible agony and horror of the trauma, there is something that is definitely available to us if we quiet our minds and bodies enough to recognize some of the gifts the event may have brought us. Yep, I did say gifts. Gifts such as acknowledging the immense courage survival required. Gifts such as being deeply aware of the importance of each new day, each new experience, and life in its entirety.  Gifts, that, in spite of the fear of recurring nightmares and panic attacks, you understand something about life and living that many do not.

You understand that it can be more fragile than you believed before the ordeal. You appreciate the fact that somehow, someway you survived. You recognize, after enduring profound sorrow, perhaps you made it through the fire because your mission on this earth was not done, and, you, in someway, were meant to carry on. It is not yours to question or know immediately what that mission is or may become. Only living each day fully can answer the question at the very end of our time.

So what does this have to do with Joy? In our society many think of joy and happiness as the same emotion. However, they are really quite different. Happiness may entail some outside, material component to subsist.  Joy, on the other hand, can exist even during our darkest moments. This is possible because joy is connected to gratitude. Gratitude for what went before the trauma, what may come through it, and what can be after. You see, we now know what we know about the preciousness of life. We know the importance of the love of family and friends. The value of new life. The reminder of a rainbow after a storm.

As the joy/gratitude list grows, something amazing takes place in our hearts, minds, and bodies.  We become peaceful. Maybe not all the time, or even, at first, much of the time, but some of the time. And that, my friend, is better than nothing. For if I can touch that peaceful place even once, I know it can be done. That gives me hope. Hope that I can touch it again, and again, and again.

Yes, PTSD + Joy = Peace… May be.

Jun

18

WARRIOR’S JOY

Filed Under Tears of Joy | 1 Comment

smileThe computer screen is dark, waiting for its colorful icons to magically appear when the master switch is ignited. Once up, we look for the message, just like in the movie, “You’ve Got Mail.”  Mail from family, friends, and unknown friends – business mail, personal messages, Facebook, funny facts, the list is endless. What we await are comments regarding our book, Tears of a Warrior, and our website blogs.  And there they are; messages telling us precious stories, battle experiences, challenges of living with PTSD, and concerns from parents, spouses, and children who live with a combat sufferer. One comment caught my eye. It was not meant as a criticism as the writer wanted to be sure to clarify. His exact words, So as you start your sequel to Tears of a Warrior just maybe you should take a look at the tears of joy. Not at all meant critically but in a fashion of hope. So Buddy, this particular blog is in honor of your comment.

 

Tears of a Warrior addresses the challenges of living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, both as a sufferer and those who spend their lives supporting, observing, and being an intregal part of the journey. In any life there are tears. Tears of sorrow. Tears of regret. Tears of despair and hopelessness. And, just as significant, Tears of JOY. Below is a list of some of our Joyful Tears. As you read this blog, think about your life and smile, for like us, we are optimistic that you have experienced similar joyful events. Make your own list. Before you go to sleep and when you wake up each morning read over the list. You may find that in spite of the sadness, your life has also been blessed with many breathtaking, joyous moments.

 

Our Tears of Joy List:

 

  1. The birth of our sons
  2. Holding a tiny new life in your arms and smelling the sweetness of a true miracle
  3. The growing love of family and friends
  4. Watching a vibrant canvas of sky at sunrise and sunset
  5. Giggling over the crazy antics of a beloved pet
  6. Observing the changes of seasons, each with its spectacular scents and hues
  7. Celebrating holidays and birthdays with loved ones
  8. Eating your favorite ice cream on a hot summer day
  9. Knowing that we are constantly being watched over by someone/something greater than ourselves
  10. Watching a flag presentation and understanding the incredible pride of being an American.

 

This is our short list, as every day we are given so many special moments that humble and inspire us to be better, more grateful people.  Yes Buddy, you are quite right, we must never fail to recognize and acknowledge all of our tears, especially our Tears of Joy. Perhaps, even those tears split in sorrow, carry their own reflection of Hope.