There are all kinds of reunions: high school, family, college, etc. Then there are those reunions that aren’t organized just for celebrations, but more importantly for remembrance, honoring fallen comrades, and healing. The biennium gathering of Vietnam Veterans who served in Charlie Company, 3^rd Battalion, 22^nd Infantry was one of these. This year it was held in Colorado Springs, CO, and we were invited to be part of the three day events. On Friday we visited Ft. Carson where the group was graciously granted access to several special base training sections including the simulation area where troops were able to practice their shooting skills. Another simulation building housed four look-alike Humvee Vehicles with machine guns, and other high tech equipment. Soldiers practice their driving skills and teamwork prior to deployment (or re-deployment) to assignments in Iraq and Afghanistan. These maneuvers proved far more challenging than any of us ever imagined. It made us realize how incredibly intelligent and efficient our current troops are when being trained for combat. Our young military guides were so enthusiastic about their mission, their work and their willingness to serve their country. Each had been deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan at least once. Many had experienced three deployments with a fourth coming soon. I couldn’t help envisioning the huge sacrifice they were making, as well as the commitment from spouses, children, and parents.

 The reunion ended with a banquet on Saturday evening which was far from any I had ever experienced. Before dinner was served, the names of almost one hundred fallen and missing comrades were read by various members of the Regiment. Then, all eyes focused on a round, empty table that sat on the stage with a vase tied with a red ribbon holding a single red rose. A dress military hat sat next to the vase which made the entire scene a poignant reminder of those who would never attend any of these reunions. Since many of our customs and stories are mirrored through metaphors and symbols, I thought you might find the following explanation of the empty table meaningful.

 The table is round - to show everlasting concern for our missing men.

The tablecloth is white - symbolizing the purity of their motives when answering the call to duty.

The single red rose - reminds us of the life of each of the missing, and the love ones and friends of these Americans who keep the faith, awaiting answers.

The vase is tied with a red ribbon - symbol of our continued determination to account for our missing.

A slice of lemon on the bread plate - is to remind us of the bitter fate of those captured and missing in a foreign land.

A pinch of salt - symbolizes the tears endured by those missing and their families who seek answers.

The Bible - represents the strength gained through faith to sustain those lost from our country, founded as one nation under God.

The glass is inverted - to symbolize their inability to share the evening’s toast.

The chair is empty - they are missing.

Sometime, perhaps 20 or 30 years from now, the warriors of today will be the old soldiers of tomorrow.  Perhaps they will gather to remember, to heal, and to honor those who die in today’s war zones. And likely, they too will honor a single, empty, round table with an inverted glass and a red rose.

The computer screen is dark, waiting for its colorful icons to magically appear when the master switch is ignited. Once up, we look for the message, just like in the movie, “You’ve Got Mail.”  Mail from family, friends, and unknown friends - business mail, personal messages, Facebook, funny facts, the list is endless. What we await are comments regarding our book, Tears of a Warrior, and our website blogs.  And there they are; messages telling us precious stories, battle experiences, challenges of living with PTSD, and concerns from parents, spouses, and children who live with a combat sufferer. One comment caught my eye. It was not meant as a criticism as the writer wanted to be sure to clarify. His exact words, So as you start your sequel to Tears of a Warrior just maybe you should take a look at the tears of joy. Not at all meant critically but in a fashion of hope. So Buddy, this particular blog is in honor of your comment.

Tears of a Warrior addresses the challenges of living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, both as a sufferer and those who spend their lives supporting, observing, and being an intregal part of the journey. In any life there are tears. Tears of sorrow. Tears of regret. Tears of despair and hopelessness. And, just as significant, Tears of JOY. Below is a list of some of our Joyful Tears. As you read this blog, think about your life and smile, for like us, we are optimistic that you have experienced similar joyful events. Make your own list. Before you go to sleep and when you wake up each morning read over the list. You may find that in spite of the sadness, your life has also been blessed with many breathtaking, joyous moments.

Our Tears of Joy List:

1. The birth of our sons
2. Holding a tiny new life in your arms and smelling the sweetness of a true miracle
3. The growing love of family and friends
4. Watching a vibrant canvas of sky at sunrise and sunset
5. Giggling over the crazy antics of a beloved pet
6. Observing the changes of seasons, each with its spectacular scents and hues
7. Celebrating holidays and birthdays with loved ones
8. Eating your favorite ice cream on a hot summer day
9. Knowing that we are constantly being watched over by someone/something greater than ourselves
10. Watching a flag presentation and understanding the incredible pride of being an American.

This is our short list, as every day we are given so many special moments that humble and inspire us to be better, more grateful people.  Yes Buddy, you are quite right, we must never fail to recognize and acknowledge all of our tears, especially our Tears of Joy. Perhaps, even those tears split in sorrow, carry their own reflection of Hope.

What would you do if your spouse or loved one had to leave for a year or more? Not for a new job or long vacation, but to a place where danger abides in guns & rockets, roadside bombs, ambushes, and other mediums of war. Only a small percentage of today’s Americans have experienced this scenario. For those who do, each individual and family survives such an event differently. Knowing the availability of resources can provide comfort and reassurance at home during deployment. Emotional steadiness, from community support to financial security can impact the journey. The first counsel is to remember; no healthy man, woman, or child is an island. The better your posse (group of family & friends) the more likely you will get through the ordeal intact. If you hear a “boogieman in the basement”, know who to call for help. Noises frightened me too. That’s why I am in favor of having a dog as a trusted member of my posse. The four-legged helper does not have to be big, just has to have good listening skills and be yappi enough to provide a good “alarm system”.  They also provide comfort during times of need. They can truly be your security blanket!

Next, don’t isolate yourself. Do things you enjoy. Light scented candles for short meditations. Read good books. Go for long walks, take in a fun movie and have lunch with friends. Surround yourself with happy, but compassionate friends. Do something for someone else. It’s hard to focus on your personal problems when you are out there helping another person in need.

Call the military’s Family Support Group. They have resources such as cell phones, internet connections, communication advice, home repair, mental health therapist, etc. 

Oh, and for those of you reading this blog who wants to do something for a military person or his/her family, I have listed a few suggestions below:

1. Adopt a family of a military deployed person. Take over dinner. Baby-sit for a few hours. Take the spouse or parent to lunch or a movie. Anything that takes some of the pressure off of the ones remaining at home.
2. Adopt a soldier. Almost every military person tells tales of how depressing and terrible it is to not get mail or care packages. While many are experiencing a sort of Christmas during mail day, many are left alone, not remembered, and feeling a bit abandoned. It is common knowledge that today’s military individuals do a lot of internet ordering just to get something in the mail when they are away. It’s quite simple, really. The person just wants to feel that his/her sacrifices are noticed and appreciated by someone, somewhere.
3. When the soldier returns home, look for ways to support his/her reintegration into civilian life. Find out what he needs or wants. As one vet told us, “Sometimes people give us flowers when we really want chocolate.”

On a recent discussion with deployed family members, a mother wisely counseled us on what most vets and their families want from our country and community: Love, Support, Honor, and Respect………….that’s not much to ask for their sacrifices, don’t you agree?

As this Memorial Day becomes a memory, I would like to share with you a profound graphic that uses Google Earth to honor the more than 5,700 American and Coalition servicemen and women that have lost their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I recognize that this map is just a slice of the story associated with this war. The Iraqi and Afghan people have incurred substantial civilian losses; there are also U.S. and Coalition civilians, contractors, and reporters who have died as well. This visual focuses on the U.S. and Coalition military casualties, recognizing that the losses extend beyond what is depicted on the map.

Please take a look at this graphic, and reflect on the stories of heroism and sacrifice made across this nation and across the world. Although this map only shows the hometowns of the warriors who died, it’s important to remember that each of these servicemen and women have a rich story in between.

As we’re all reminded:

There’ll be two dates on your tombstone and all your friends will read them. But all that is going to matter is that little dash between them. Life is short at best and these valiant warriors have paid the supreme price.

It is Saturday morning and my alarm clock wakes me up. I really want to sleep until my body’s time clock rouses me, but we are going to Cheyenne to watch, listen, and learn how parents, spouses, and community members are dealing with the recent deployment of their 5-state National Guard unit. From 9 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon we heard from spouses, parents, friends, and others who had experienced prior deployments or had a loved one who is now a part of this current operation. Each story was told from a different perspective, yet all voiced similar sentiments of fear, worry, and concern for how to deal with every day life without their loved ones. They talked of pride for the service and dedication the soldiers are giving for their country.  Below are just a few of their narratives.

• The Brigadier General gave the introduction of his own earlier deployment and how it made him more appreciative for the beauty of the common landscape of Wyoming. The freshness of new grasses in a meadow. The smell of wildflowers and warm sunshine instead of Iraq’s dust and withering heat. And, as he was driving to the meeting, he had the special gift of seeing a mother antelope give birth to its newborn fawn. From the dreadfulness of the combat zone to the miracle of new life, one is constantly reminded of the beauty of America.
• A husband and wife chatted about their experiences. The discovery of hidden strengths, the challenges of fixing leaky pipes and broken cars, and the difficulty of not being able to see and hold one another at the beginning and end of each day. Other funny facts they shared:
• How the military takes care of every need and item in your life including your relationships, “If we wanted you to have a wife, we would have issued you one.”
• MRE which is the acronym for “Meals Ready to Eat” to what he thought they really are - “Meals Refusing to Exit”
• Another spouse spoke of how she now refuses to attend any “good-bye” ceremonies. She has done this before and learned that, for her, it was far better to say her farewells at home. Watching the panic of small children holding onto their parent’s pant legs and crying, “Please don’t leave me”. Wives weeping, sad faces, the combat exit…all were a bit too much. She gave herself and others permission to make choices that preserve their fragile emotional state.
• One young women told of how, shortly after she learned that her husband would be deployed for a second time, had a devastating stroke. She is working her way back to health with the support of family and friends. It is important that her husband not worry about how she is healing while he needs to be focused on completing and surviving his mission in Iraq and Kuwait.

Yes, the stories and the story tellers are linked together by their common situation, a situation of having a loved one living in a combat zone thousands of miles from home. A situation which requires those left at home to be braver, stronger, more responsible and independent than ever before. It seemed as if a mantra could be heard throughout the day:  “I’m handling it - whatever “it” is or will be.”  And they are not alone, for going through the next year will be easier with a solid base of friends, families, supportive communities, and the attentive resources from the military.